I've not posted anything in a while, as that has been kinda the way things have been lately. I've been quite busy getting all my shopping done for all the people around me. I hope they enjoy the holiday as much as I hope to. Dad's birthday is tomorrow, and I'm glad he's around for another year. Hopefully, he'll choose to keep things that way for many years to come.
I've not really had anything on my mind that I can really share. The only things that HAVE been on my mind are being shared with on a regular basis with the person they are related to :) ( yes... YOU! )
May all of you have a Merry Christmas and I hope this year was as good to you as it was to me. I'll have a wrap up "year in review" coming up in the coming days. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Racking up the miles for a great time
So the past few weekends I've been doing quite an amount of travelling. The weekend before Thanksgiving I was in Bowling Green, KY for my Birthday with Kim and it was a fantastic weekend.
The weekend after that was pretty quiet.
This past weekend, I went to visit Kim in her area. People have been teasing me about going down south and being around all that is the southern way of life, but I actually love it. I loved it when I lived in Texas, and I always love going down south as it always feels good. We ended up going to Dollywood and seeing it all dressed up for Christmas. It was incredible and beautiful and made me remember how great the old style holiday celebration used to be when I was a kid.
We both had a great time I think ( can only speak for myself ) and it was really great to see the area that Kim knows and spends alot of time in.
Down there, people seem alot more friendly, more at ease and taking things alot slower that us up north. I can't really say more than that without making myself sound confusing.
I'll remember the time I spent down there this weekend for quite some time. It was yet another fantastic weekend I've had this year, and hope there's many more to come.
The weekend after that was pretty quiet.
This past weekend, I went to visit Kim in her area. People have been teasing me about going down south and being around all that is the southern way of life, but I actually love it. I loved it when I lived in Texas, and I always love going down south as it always feels good. We ended up going to Dollywood and seeing it all dressed up for Christmas. It was incredible and beautiful and made me remember how great the old style holiday celebration used to be when I was a kid.
We both had a great time I think ( can only speak for myself ) and it was really great to see the area that Kim knows and spends alot of time in.
Down there, people seem alot more friendly, more at ease and taking things alot slower that us up north. I can't really say more than that without making myself sound confusing.
I'll remember the time I spent down there this weekend for quite some time. It was yet another fantastic weekend I've had this year, and hope there's many more to come.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Turkey Day
Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and even in this crazy world today, there's plenty to be thankful for.
1) Life. Sounds like common sense... but we always seem to overlook that.
2) I'm thankful that I have a job in this economy. I have said repeatedly that I really enjoy working where I do, and for the employers I have. I'm luck to be able to have a job when so many others AREN'T working. Many have families and are the providers...
3) I'm thankful that I'm overall healthy and my friends and family are the same for the most part.
4) LOVE... It's sounded like a foriegn concept and an ugly word in my vocabulary for so long, it's kinda strange to be comfortable with the term and the whole idea of having someone that you care that deeply for. I'm very, very, lucky to have her in my life to share both the good and the bad that is there. If you'd have asked me back this time last year about where I'd be I would've NEVER guessed I'd be this happy anad content.
I've got a good job, a nice car in the garage, and a GREAT woman at my side... what else can a man ask for?
Hope you all have a great holiday ( for those of us in the US ) and a safe one in all your travels to see the ones you care for.
1) Life. Sounds like common sense... but we always seem to overlook that.
2) I'm thankful that I have a job in this economy. I have said repeatedly that I really enjoy working where I do, and for the employers I have. I'm luck to be able to have a job when so many others AREN'T working. Many have families and are the providers...
3) I'm thankful that I'm overall healthy and my friends and family are the same for the most part.
4) LOVE... It's sounded like a foriegn concept and an ugly word in my vocabulary for so long, it's kinda strange to be comfortable with the term and the whole idea of having someone that you care that deeply for. I'm very, very, lucky to have her in my life to share both the good and the bad that is there. If you'd have asked me back this time last year about where I'd be I would've NEVER guessed I'd be this happy anad content.
I've got a good job, a nice car in the garage, and a GREAT woman at my side... what else can a man ask for?
Hope you all have a great holiday ( for those of us in the US ) and a safe one in all your travels to see the ones you care for.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Stressing the small things
We all have stress to deal with in our everyday lives. Work, money, health, relationships, family, friends, pets.... they all both relieve and create stress. Learning how to manage and deal with those things and prioritize them is a very difficult thing. Learning how to make it work to your advantage is even worse...
With the way the economy is going, we are ALL kinda in panic mode in some way about what this means to our jobs, our homes, our futures. Everything is up in the air, and that scares the CRAP out of us all. I'm not immune to it, and I have found myself listening to the news more and more every day. Now, that might acutally be the problem... we all listen to these reports and we're not sure what to make of it... we all get that Chicken Little syndrome and prepare for the worst.
That's not to say that things are bad, and that they can't get worse. They can and most likely WILL before they get better. This alone is enough to stress us as we try and figure out what this means to our jobs and how we're going to pay for what we have, as most of us really won't be getting a "bailout" ( as I cringe using that buzzword ) and we'll be expected to actually PAY for what we have bought. Funny, concept huh?
Having these fears affects our thought processes related to most basic decisions, let alone the big ones in our lives.. Pile this on top of usual work stuff, like co-workers, bosses, and other outside work issues, and you have a nice soup of strain and doubt and despair that can bring many to thier breaking points.
What can we do to manage all this? How do you get your fears in a triage state of mind... putting the big fears and real concerns in front of the little things that while are annoying, they're not critical to our lives. I hope I am doing a good job of staying level-headed and rational in these wierd times of change in the world.
Not sure I actually WENT anywhere with this, but I guess I can't worry about that... it's a little thing.
With the way the economy is going, we are ALL kinda in panic mode in some way about what this means to our jobs, our homes, our futures. Everything is up in the air, and that scares the CRAP out of us all. I'm not immune to it, and I have found myself listening to the news more and more every day. Now, that might acutally be the problem... we all listen to these reports and we're not sure what to make of it... we all get that Chicken Little syndrome and prepare for the worst.
That's not to say that things are bad, and that they can't get worse. They can and most likely WILL before they get better. This alone is enough to stress us as we try and figure out what this means to our jobs and how we're going to pay for what we have, as most of us really won't be getting a "bailout" ( as I cringe using that buzzword ) and we'll be expected to actually PAY for what we have bought. Funny, concept huh?
Having these fears affects our thought processes related to most basic decisions, let alone the big ones in our lives.. Pile this on top of usual work stuff, like co-workers, bosses, and other outside work issues, and you have a nice soup of strain and doubt and despair that can bring many to thier breaking points.
What can we do to manage all this? How do you get your fears in a triage state of mind... putting the big fears and real concerns in front of the little things that while are annoying, they're not critical to our lives. I hope I am doing a good job of staying level-headed and rational in these wierd times of change in the world.
Not sure I actually WENT anywhere with this, but I guess I can't worry about that... it's a little thing.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
change in the weather
This past week was beautiful and sunny and warm... very UNLIKE November weather in western PA. It was great to be able to get out and get things done without bundling up. 2 Days ago, all the leaves were still changing and just starting to fall, and as I drive into work this morning I find that most of those leaves have now fallen due to the chold temps and rain that blew thru here Friday night. Fall is quickly turning into winter... Not really all that thrilled.
So, 2 weeks have gone by since Kim was here to visit, and some days it feels like MONTHS have past, and yet other moments ( and memories ) feel like it was yesterday. I know it sounds cliche' but it's true. We waited months to get a chance to see each other and those 3 days flew by, and once again we count the days until we get the chance again. Luckily it won't be months again before that happens, but only weeks. When asked how many days, it's been more likely to hear me say "TOO MANY" than give an exact day count.
Maybe it's a bit sappy, or old fashioned to miss someone these days, but I do. Sometimes it feels great to miss her and know that I'm lucky I have someone to miss, and other days it's torture knowing she's "X" miles away and I just can't swing by to see her. So, in the next 2 weeks I can wait and bide my time until I can see her and know that it will be time well spent and that I have to cherish that time since you never can tell what the future holds, but I hope it's a bright one, because she'll be in it to make it that way.
Ok.. I'm done being Mr. Sappy for now... :)
So, 2 weeks have gone by since Kim was here to visit, and some days it feels like MONTHS have past, and yet other moments ( and memories ) feel like it was yesterday. I know it sounds cliche' but it's true. We waited months to get a chance to see each other and those 3 days flew by, and once again we count the days until we get the chance again. Luckily it won't be months again before that happens, but only weeks. When asked how many days, it's been more likely to hear me say "TOO MANY" than give an exact day count.
Maybe it's a bit sappy, or old fashioned to miss someone these days, but I do. Sometimes it feels great to miss her and know that I'm lucky I have someone to miss, and other days it's torture knowing she's "X" miles away and I just can't swing by to see her. So, in the next 2 weeks I can wait and bide my time until I can see her and know that it will be time well spent and that I have to cherish that time since you never can tell what the future holds, but I hope it's a bright one, because she'll be in it to make it that way.
Ok.. I'm done being Mr. Sappy for now... :)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Weekend for the books
Well, after alot of anxiousness, anticipation and planning, this weekend went by way to fast. It felt like it was taking forever to get here, and the past 3 days flew by so fast that I can't believe it's over already.
Friday afternoon, Kim got here from her long drive and we spent the day running around and relaxing whenever we could. I knew that her drive was long and wanted her to get rest anytime we could swing it. That night we went out and she got to meet alot of my friends and that went very well from my point of view. I hope both my friends and her thought the same thing.
Saturday, we went to the house and made dad and us breakfast of french toast, bacon and eggs. Later in the morning/afternoonthe rain stopped and I got to show her the city and just spend time together. The night came and that meant the Halloween party. We went as Pirates and her costume turned out fantastic. She made new friends and fit in great with everyone. I was very pleased that she was able to feel comfortable around everyone and found things to talk about.
I think she was wanting to stay longer than I thought we could and it was a late night for sure, but it was well worth it.
Today we had breakfast, washed the cars and took some pictures by the lake with them. I really enjoyed it and the pics turned out pretty good.
I hated to see her drive away and can't belieive it's going to be WEEKS before I get to spend time with her again... not happy about that.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Trick or treat
It's been a crazy week around the land here. Work has a busy spurt that should last thru December if all goes well, I've been working like crazy for many reasons. Mainly because of the fact that I'm taking a half day tomorrow and I needed to get done with some things and the overtime is always good.
I have a close friend coming in this weekend and it's something I've been looking forward to VERY much for about a month now. She's never been to the area, and while I'd love to show her everything around here, it's going to be crappy weather, so I won't get to show much outdoors to her.
I was excited about many things this year, but the ones that have always been the best were when she was involved in some way. Feels good to have someone in my life that makes things more important and special. Not had that in a long time.
So, maybe I'll have pictures to share of our costumes for the Halloween party. That she's coming here to visit is the best treat I can ever think of.
I have a close friend coming in this weekend and it's something I've been looking forward to VERY much for about a month now. She's never been to the area, and while I'd love to show her everything around here, it's going to be crappy weather, so I won't get to show much outdoors to her.
I was excited about many things this year, but the ones that have always been the best were when she was involved in some way. Feels good to have someone in my life that makes things more important and special. Not had that in a long time.
So, maybe I'll have pictures to share of our costumes for the Halloween party. That she's coming here to visit is the best treat I can ever think of.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Weekend drive
I realize that the last few posts have basically all revolved around my new car, and this is no exception. The posts next week will be different... I swear.
This weekend I took the car up to the mountains to check out the changing leaves and let the car stretch its legs for a while. I found a nice twisty road that I never knew was like that. VERY fun in the car.
Here's a link to the page with all the pics, but here's a few to get started.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Time off
With the weather being so wonderful here considering it's the middle of October, I've been out and about doing alot of things... I've not really had time to post much..
Here's a couple newer shots of the car... between work and getting the car and garage together, I've not been doing much else... But I will be taking a break tomorrow to cut grass, and go costume shopping... :)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Teaser pic
Here's a quick pic of the new addition to the family.
More to come once the weather works out.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Longest day in a long time
So, it's been quite a while since I've posted... I've been very busy.
1) I've been working on getting someone special to come visit. That's finally been worked out, so I'm very happy. That weekend can't come soon enough...
2) after many years of talking about it, working like crazy to make it happen and planning.... I'm finally buying my 1st Corvette. It's been a very long road to get to this point and Now I finally made it happen. For the Car people, it's a Z06 model, the high-horsepowered version that has all the goodies.
So, I should have some good picutres to post in the coming days. A few women I know have asked "what are you going to name him/her?" I have NO clue.... Maybe it will come to me later.
Stay tuned!
1) I've been working on getting someone special to come visit. That's finally been worked out, so I'm very happy. That weekend can't come soon enough...
2) after many years of talking about it, working like crazy to make it happen and planning.... I'm finally buying my 1st Corvette. It's been a very long road to get to this point and Now I finally made it happen. For the Car people, it's a Z06 model, the high-horsepowered version that has all the goodies.
So, I should have some good picutres to post in the coming days. A few women I know have asked "what are you going to name him/her?" I have NO clue.... Maybe it will come to me later.
Stay tuned!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Nationals 2008
Day 1:
This was our practice day. After a long drive yesterday, and tons of rain and such... we got squared away today and started getting things ready for the week.
I SHOULD have a video uploaded here for you to view...
http://s299.photobucket.com/albums/mm308/AverageVetteNut/?action=view¤t=Nats-test-1.flv
This is a practice run... and a wild one behind the wheel.
More to come!
This was our practice day. After a long drive yesterday, and tons of rain and such... we got squared away today and started getting things ready for the week.
I SHOULD have a video uploaded here for you to view...
http://s299.photobucket.com/albums/mm308/AverageVetteNut/?action=view¤t=Nats-test-1.flv
This is a practice run... and a wild one behind the wheel.
More to come!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Random thoughts and happenings
So, I find myself with some actual FREE time on a Friday night. I've not really written much in the past month or so, and I figured "why not..."
The car is racking up the miles pretty damn quick. Less than 3 yrs old, and over 112,000 miles on it. I really can't complain about it's performance in that time. I've only changed regular wear items, like brakes and spark plugs. Changed the fuel injectors @ 95K... as well as the clutch. I even put new shocks all around...
The latest round of 'repairs' I'm doing is a new exhuast. It arrived today and will go on before my next event.
I've been car shopping for next season's choice, and as stated in a previous post, it's been rather daunting. I'll be heading to a big car show / meet this weekend to find some worthy candidates. I really wish my travel companion was able to make this trip.
Work has been busy as always. Many of our projects are running full steam and show no signs of slowing. As luck would have it, I will be going on vacation soon...
Vacation is kinda strange way to put it. While it's time away from work, it's hardly "vacation" in a normal sense. I'll be busier and a heck of alot more tired, and when I come back, I'll need a vacation to regroup...lol
I've been getting some good driving feedback and some seat time in various cars this year, and hopefully that will transition into a better result @ nationals next month. This will be the swan song for the SS this year and while many are bringing the new "better" version of my car, I will be lagging behind and just enjoying my time there. It's a great social experience as well as a great tool for getting info and advice to get things ready for next year.
So... while many things change in our lives, many stay the same....
Work, race, sleep & eat.
Rinse and repeat.
The car is racking up the miles pretty damn quick. Less than 3 yrs old, and over 112,000 miles on it. I really can't complain about it's performance in that time. I've only changed regular wear items, like brakes and spark plugs. Changed the fuel injectors @ 95K... as well as the clutch. I even put new shocks all around...
The latest round of 'repairs' I'm doing is a new exhuast. It arrived today and will go on before my next event.
I've been car shopping for next season's choice, and as stated in a previous post, it's been rather daunting. I'll be heading to a big car show / meet this weekend to find some worthy candidates. I really wish my travel companion was able to make this trip.
Work has been busy as always. Many of our projects are running full steam and show no signs of slowing. As luck would have it, I will be going on vacation soon...
Vacation is kinda strange way to put it. While it's time away from work, it's hardly "vacation" in a normal sense. I'll be busier and a heck of alot more tired, and when I come back, I'll need a vacation to regroup...lol
I've been getting some good driving feedback and some seat time in various cars this year, and hopefully that will transition into a better result @ nationals next month. This will be the swan song for the SS this year and while many are bringing the new "better" version of my car, I will be lagging behind and just enjoying my time there. It's a great social experience as well as a great tool for getting info and advice to get things ready for next year.
So... while many things change in our lives, many stay the same....
Work, race, sleep & eat.
Rinse and repeat.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Time sure is flying
I can't believe that this summer is coming to an end already. It's August, and I've not gotten to do many things that I've wanted to. Most of my travelling has all been racing related, either as a spectator or a participant. This weekend it's just me, work, cleaning and car shows.
From here on out, however, it gets really busy. The next 3 weekends I have events around the region and elsewhere in the state. Then it's off to Topeka for the big event.
I've been kinda lapse in writing much, as most of my time has been divided between work, racing, car shows and getting out and enjoying time with friends.
Doesn't really matter HOW I'm spending the time, but I'm thankful for each moment I get becuase we never know what tomorrow brings. Whether it's on the phone, online... in person... whatever.
I've been car shopping again and while my car choice has been rather straightforward, every now and then another car comes in and messes up my happy little idea. So... at least I have a "plan B" in place now.
Wish the rest of life's choices were that cut and dry. Not that there's anything pressing that goes on that NEEDS that kinda attitude, but don't we all wish there was a plan 'B' there for us to use as a fallback?
From here on out, however, it gets really busy. The next 3 weekends I have events around the region and elsewhere in the state. Then it's off to Topeka for the big event.
I've been kinda lapse in writing much, as most of my time has been divided between work, racing, car shows and getting out and enjoying time with friends.
Doesn't really matter HOW I'm spending the time, but I'm thankful for each moment I get becuase we never know what tomorrow brings. Whether it's on the phone, online... in person... whatever.
I've been car shopping again and while my car choice has been rather straightforward, every now and then another car comes in and messes up my happy little idea. So... at least I have a "plan B" in place now.
Wish the rest of life's choices were that cut and dry. Not that there's anything pressing that goes on that NEEDS that kinda attitude, but don't we all wish there was a plan 'B' there for us to use as a fallback?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Summer fun...
Well, another beautiful day in western PA... yeah right..
I swear, the area is slowly becoming Seattle.. more rain and dreary days than sunny. Today was a weird one in that @ work today.. it was mostly sunny all day and back around the house and the places where I wanted to go tonight it rained... alot.
So.. plans change and here I am sitting in front of a computer screen instead of being outside. Of course, NOW it's sunny and nice here...
This weekend promises to be a bit better weather, and with another autocross coming up this weekend I will have a full plate. Depending on what happens I'll be either at a car show, the draag strip or at home. I'll be setting up the course for Sunday, working, and then hopefully at the local cruise night.
Sunday I'll be at the Autocross. This is the 1st time I'm actually putting together a course for everyone to drive. Not sure how I feel about that.
I've got some other stuff I've been working on, but not getting into that until something actually works out.
I swear, the area is slowly becoming Seattle.. more rain and dreary days than sunny. Today was a weird one in that @ work today.. it was mostly sunny all day and back around the house and the places where I wanted to go tonight it rained... alot.
So.. plans change and here I am sitting in front of a computer screen instead of being outside. Of course, NOW it's sunny and nice here...
This weekend promises to be a bit better weather, and with another autocross coming up this weekend I will have a full plate. Depending on what happens I'll be either at a car show, the draag strip or at home. I'll be setting up the course for Sunday, working, and then hopefully at the local cruise night.
Sunday I'll be at the Autocross. This is the 1st time I'm actually putting together a course for everyone to drive. Not sure how I feel about that.
I've got some other stuff I've been working on, but not getting into that until something actually works out.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Finally some rest coming up... Kinda
So, this was the last of 3 back to back to back weekends of travelling / racing. This one was local, but yet still an hour away. it was a 2- day event benefiting some very worthwhile charities.. one being the Pittsburgh Autism Society. Last year, just OUR part of the events raised $6000 for it.
So, this year I had a better prepped car and I HOPED a better loose nut behind the wheel. I wasn't sure what kind of competition I would have, as there was many in my class listed, but turns out that most were in a different index ( street tires ) than in the normal class. So, there was only 2 of us.
I drove like a moron in the AM sessions and couldn't get settled. For various reasons I coudln't focus, and was a bit distracted thru the morning. As usual, I had my best run in the morning when I had a passenger. Maybe it's that idea that you don't want to look stupid in front of someone, and the other is the more balanced wieght in the car.
The afternoon was a bit better, as I got my head on straight and drove like I should've.
So... I won that day by .6 seconds.
Sunday was short due to rain and I was behind by .4 seconds. So... while I won the 1st day, and lost the 2nd day, I ended up winning overall for the weekend. Normally, @ events we don't get trophies and such, so the individual days don't mean much , but at this special event, the combined scores for both days are added up and with that, I came out on top. Barely...
I've never won a trophy in anything.. at least not that I can remember. It was kinda wierd and at the same time a great feeling. I wish it would've been a real win, where we both had equal dry chances... but a win is a win from what I'm told. Hard for me to accept that. Hard for me to acknowledge something like this.. always thinking that I SHOULDN'T have won, or that what I did wasn't deserving of recgnition or anything like that.
Maybe it's just that part of me that is used to NOT doing well and always that guy last picked for things, or not even picked at all.
Such is life
So, this year I had a better prepped car and I HOPED a better loose nut behind the wheel. I wasn't sure what kind of competition I would have, as there was many in my class listed, but turns out that most were in a different index ( street tires ) than in the normal class. So, there was only 2 of us.
I drove like a moron in the AM sessions and couldn't get settled. For various reasons I coudln't focus, and was a bit distracted thru the morning. As usual, I had my best run in the morning when I had a passenger. Maybe it's that idea that you don't want to look stupid in front of someone, and the other is the more balanced wieght in the car.
The afternoon was a bit better, as I got my head on straight and drove like I should've.
So... I won that day by .6 seconds.
Sunday was short due to rain and I was behind by .4 seconds. So... while I won the 1st day, and lost the 2nd day, I ended up winning overall for the weekend. Normally, @ events we don't get trophies and such, so the individual days don't mean much , but at this special event, the combined scores for both days are added up and with that, I came out on top. Barely...
I've never won a trophy in anything.. at least not that I can remember. It was kinda wierd and at the same time a great feeling. I wish it would've been a real win, where we both had equal dry chances... but a win is a win from what I'm told. Hard for me to accept that. Hard for me to acknowledge something like this.. always thinking that I SHOULDN'T have won, or that what I did wasn't deserving of recgnition or anything like that.
Maybe it's just that part of me that is used to NOT doing well and always that guy last picked for things, or not even picked at all.
Such is life
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Time is short
We hear it all the time from our older co-workers, friends, parents/relatives... Life is short...
Think about it... when we're born we're all getting older and the days keep passing by quicker and quicker.. Scary thought. We think when we're 15 that 30 is old, and when we hit 30 we can't think of how in the world we thought THAT was old...
Maybe because in MY generation, our parents were in their early 30's when we were teenagers and we couldn't imagine have that much stuff going on in our lives. Maybe since THESE days, the weddings aren't coming until later... in our late 20's, early 30's... even later for some... people aren't having kids until they're 30 - 40 yrs old.
Life IS short. I don't remember much of my high school days anymore. If I try hard, I can see faces, hear voices, smell the things that remind me of those days. We cling to our pasts as kinda a sick trophy that we survived those years with some amount of knowledge, and strength and it's hard to let go of.
Go to your ____ year reunion and see how old habits die hard. Those same kids that picked on you, yet have kids with yours @ soccer and talk to you like long lost friends all go back to NOT talking to you when they get around their "friends" from back in the day... ones that haven't spoken to them in 10 years... WHY????
We spend alot of time living our lives to serve other's wants, needs, expectations just becuase we feel that if we don't, they will somehow think less of us. We sacrifice our dreams and those little things that make us happy for someone that maybe isn't even aware, or doesn't care about what you want or what makes YOU happy. They only care about what you can do for them, and if YOU want something they expect to be rewarded for them "letting you" do something, or buy something, just enjoy something that you rarely get to...
Last time I checked, when you have someone in your life it's supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. We all need our own time to pursue our dreams, enjoy something that is for "us" alone or just something as simple as having a nice quiet day at the park for no reason.
When we give up that which makes us US.... we die more inside a little everyday. We stop becoming the person that our friends came to want to be around. We stop being that person that our partner fell in love with in the 1st place. When that happens, we slowly drift apart and down the road the blank stares from across the room or next to you in the car turn into resentment, bitterness, regret and apathy.
Life is too short to be miserable. Life is WAY too short to NOT tell the ones you care about that you DO care. Taking that walk in the park with your family, the kids, the pets...
I was told a while back.. "the last thing someone on their death bed is going to say is ...GEE I WISH I WOULD'VE WORKED MORE"
I'm guilty of it... I've been called a workaholic. I've been told I work way too much and take too much on. I've cut back and tried to enjoy life more. Right now, I'm doing that alone. I hope that will not always be the case, but it is what it is... We can't worry about things we have no control over, and right now... I'm flying by the seat of my pants and have NO regrets....
LIVE your life, just don't get thru it... none of us get out of it alive.
Wow... looks like I'm back :)
Think about it... when we're born we're all getting older and the days keep passing by quicker and quicker.. Scary thought. We think when we're 15 that 30 is old, and when we hit 30 we can't think of how in the world we thought THAT was old...
Maybe because in MY generation, our parents were in their early 30's when we were teenagers and we couldn't imagine have that much stuff going on in our lives. Maybe since THESE days, the weddings aren't coming until later... in our late 20's, early 30's... even later for some... people aren't having kids until they're 30 - 40 yrs old.
Life IS short. I don't remember much of my high school days anymore. If I try hard, I can see faces, hear voices, smell the things that remind me of those days. We cling to our pasts as kinda a sick trophy that we survived those years with some amount of knowledge, and strength and it's hard to let go of.
Go to your ____ year reunion and see how old habits die hard. Those same kids that picked on you, yet have kids with yours @ soccer and talk to you like long lost friends all go back to NOT talking to you when they get around their "friends" from back in the day... ones that haven't spoken to them in 10 years... WHY????
We spend alot of time living our lives to serve other's wants, needs, expectations just becuase we feel that if we don't, they will somehow think less of us. We sacrifice our dreams and those little things that make us happy for someone that maybe isn't even aware, or doesn't care about what you want or what makes YOU happy. They only care about what you can do for them, and if YOU want something they expect to be rewarded for them "letting you" do something, or buy something, just enjoy something that you rarely get to...
Last time I checked, when you have someone in your life it's supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. We all need our own time to pursue our dreams, enjoy something that is for "us" alone or just something as simple as having a nice quiet day at the park for no reason.
When we give up that which makes us US.... we die more inside a little everyday. We stop becoming the person that our friends came to want to be around. We stop being that person that our partner fell in love with in the 1st place. When that happens, we slowly drift apart and down the road the blank stares from across the room or next to you in the car turn into resentment, bitterness, regret and apathy.
Life is too short to be miserable. Life is WAY too short to NOT tell the ones you care about that you DO care. Taking that walk in the park with your family, the kids, the pets...
I was told a while back.. "the last thing someone on their death bed is going to say is ...GEE I WISH I WOULD'VE WORKED MORE"
I'm guilty of it... I've been called a workaholic. I've been told I work way too much and take too much on. I've cut back and tried to enjoy life more. Right now, I'm doing that alone. I hope that will not always be the case, but it is what it is... We can't worry about things we have no control over, and right now... I'm flying by the seat of my pants and have NO regrets....
LIVE your life, just don't get thru it... none of us get out of it alive.
Wow... looks like I'm back :)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Another weekend is here... already
So, I had almost two months out of the car in a competitive nature, and last weekend I got to jump back in the car and drive in "anger" again.
I was a bit tentative about it to be honest. It wasn't a local event that I was getting back into the game at either. No, I had to get back in it at a NATIONAL event. The tour event was a blast last year even if I didn't do well. This year, I hoped that my extra seat time and slightly better car prep would help out and I wouldn't finish last again.
The event was consistently wet each day. It rained each day and nothing was consistent.
In the end, I finished last again in my class, but this time, the margin was smaller.
I had a really good time with some of the guys in my class when we went out and unwound... that's all I can say...
Got to meet a few others and get to hang out with people from last season. Got some pointers from experienced drivers and it helped alot on day #2.
This weekend, I am travelling to another part of the country for another event. This time, I'm not driving my car, but driving another local driver's car with him. It should give me a good indication of the driver I am becoming. This is a good car that is competitive and has had good luck in other events. If I can get the car figured out enough to get some good runs and finish well, I'll feel really good knowing that there's hope for me. The car would be more of the problem that I am, and that's easier to fix than "the loose nut behind the wheel".
Next weekend, it's back into MY car for my 1st local event since mother's day weekend. We have our vintage grand prix kick off that weekend and have a 2 day weekend back to back event.
I look forward to getting to hang out with a big group of people I know better and hang out. Play some frisbee, eat some food and swap stories.
It's been a bit crazy around here the past few weeks between work, getting ready for the events and some personal stuff between me, stuff with friends and so on... feel bad that I'm not where I feel I should be at times...wanting to be there to help... to listen etc... but all things happen when they do.
Stay tuned race fans....
I was a bit tentative about it to be honest. It wasn't a local event that I was getting back into the game at either. No, I had to get back in it at a NATIONAL event. The tour event was a blast last year even if I didn't do well. This year, I hoped that my extra seat time and slightly better car prep would help out and I wouldn't finish last again.
The event was consistently wet each day. It rained each day and nothing was consistent.
In the end, I finished last again in my class, but this time, the margin was smaller.
I had a really good time with some of the guys in my class when we went out and unwound... that's all I can say...
Got to meet a few others and get to hang out with people from last season. Got some pointers from experienced drivers and it helped alot on day #2.
This weekend, I am travelling to another part of the country for another event. This time, I'm not driving my car, but driving another local driver's car with him. It should give me a good indication of the driver I am becoming. This is a good car that is competitive and has had good luck in other events. If I can get the car figured out enough to get some good runs and finish well, I'll feel really good knowing that there's hope for me. The car would be more of the problem that I am, and that's easier to fix than "the loose nut behind the wheel".
Next weekend, it's back into MY car for my 1st local event since mother's day weekend. We have our vintage grand prix kick off that weekend and have a 2 day weekend back to back event.
I look forward to getting to hang out with a big group of people I know better and hang out. Play some frisbee, eat some food and swap stories.
It's been a bit crazy around here the past few weeks between work, getting ready for the events and some personal stuff between me, stuff with friends and so on... feel bad that I'm not where I feel I should be at times...wanting to be there to help... to listen etc... but all things happen when they do.
Stay tuned race fans....
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Been a while...
Well, it's been a while since I posted.... mainly because much of what has been on my mind has been a bit personal and not something I can really explain or put into words here.
Been a series of ups and downs, like everything that life dishes out to us. In time, I know that everything that lies before me will sort itself out in some way... either one way, or the other. That's all I guess we can really hope for.
We have things in our lives that we want, or hope for, or wish for... wishing is great, but it really can't get you anywhere. HOPE... can be a good catlyst for making things you want to happen become reality. Hope can be a spark to your imagination's engine. Hope can also set you up for a fall... but that's the chance you take when you put yourself out there.
I've had alot of goals I've set for myself. I am terrible at it. I am fine as long as I don't set a timeframe to meeting those goals. I get stressed soon after and then next thing you know, I'm in a bad mood. Not good.
Work has been very crazy... quite a bit going on around the office. Some great, some not so...
Racing is kicking in to high gear.. Leaving for Indiana this weekend... Ohio next weekend... and back around here for local events soon after.
Hope things smooth out overall. I know that in the end... what's best for each situation will be chosen... that's all there is .
Been a series of ups and downs, like everything that life dishes out to us. In time, I know that everything that lies before me will sort itself out in some way... either one way, or the other. That's all I guess we can really hope for.
We have things in our lives that we want, or hope for, or wish for... wishing is great, but it really can't get you anywhere. HOPE... can be a good catlyst for making things you want to happen become reality. Hope can be a spark to your imagination's engine. Hope can also set you up for a fall... but that's the chance you take when you put yourself out there.
I've had alot of goals I've set for myself. I am terrible at it. I am fine as long as I don't set a timeframe to meeting those goals. I get stressed soon after and then next thing you know, I'm in a bad mood. Not good.
Work has been very crazy... quite a bit going on around the office. Some great, some not so...
Racing is kicking in to high gear.. Leaving for Indiana this weekend... Ohio next weekend... and back around here for local events soon after.
Hope things smooth out overall. I know that in the end... what's best for each situation will be chosen... that's all there is .
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Garage cleaning and with it,, the past
So I've decided that I want to be able to park a car ( not yet determined what ...) in the garage by this fall / winter. In doing so, I'm forced to revisit much of my past youth since 90% of this is all stuff I had packed away for going on 10 - 15 years.
I found old pictures of me and people from my past and present. I found paystubs from my 1ts jobs... I found old magazines, and paperwork from old cars I owned.
I had one box that had alot of "old baggage" that I needed to go thru. Some I kept, but most got tossed. Guess the past truly is hard to let go of.
So.... I've got a good 3 or 4 weekends left in the garage before I can think about moving anything in there. Lots of boxes to go thru but the tough ones are now just about gone I think.
I found old pictures of me and people from my past and present. I found paystubs from my 1ts jobs... I found old magazines, and paperwork from old cars I owned.
I had one box that had alot of "old baggage" that I needed to go thru. Some I kept, but most got tossed. Guess the past truly is hard to let go of.
So.... I've got a good 3 or 4 weekends left in the garage before I can think about moving anything in there. Lots of boxes to go thru but the tough ones are now just about gone I think.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Grumpy much?
Well, it was bound to happen...
For the past few months I've been in an overall GREAT mood, and for the first time since then... I find myself really grumpy / irritable / down. It's been a while and I guess nothing great lasts forever.
That's not to say it's a sign of things to come, but more that for whatever reason unknown to me, I am not a happy camper. There's various reasons contributing to it I'm sure... my travelling companion is travelling... and not with me this time. I miss that alot.
Today would've been mom's 58th Birthday and like everyone around here, I miss her very much. Hard to believe it's been almost 4 years now.
Maybe part of it is mainly just that... Mom was always a very influential and supportive person in my life and I've not really had that around to bounce things off of. While we all strive to be our own persons and not let our parents choose what life we live, I think we invariably do things with the thought of.. "what would they think about this..?"
I wonder what she would think of the person I've become. The changes in my life I've made since she passed. The choices I've made, the friends I've made, the work I do, even what I do for fun.
Mom was always into much of the same things as me. Loved cars, music, art, racing... so I would hope she'd be happy for me.
If there IS something beyond this life for us all, I hope she's having a big party there with other relatives and friends we've lost. I hope she's looking on and is happy and content with how things are.
So, I'm grumpy today. I'm in a funk, the blues, the blahs... whatever. I wish things were easy, but they are what they are, and we all have to make the best of what we have in front of us.
I guess it beats the alternative.
For the past few months I've been in an overall GREAT mood, and for the first time since then... I find myself really grumpy / irritable / down. It's been a while and I guess nothing great lasts forever.
That's not to say it's a sign of things to come, but more that for whatever reason unknown to me, I am not a happy camper. There's various reasons contributing to it I'm sure... my travelling companion is travelling... and not with me this time. I miss that alot.
Today would've been mom's 58th Birthday and like everyone around here, I miss her very much. Hard to believe it's been almost 4 years now.
Maybe part of it is mainly just that... Mom was always a very influential and supportive person in my life and I've not really had that around to bounce things off of. While we all strive to be our own persons and not let our parents choose what life we live, I think we invariably do things with the thought of.. "what would they think about this..?"
I wonder what she would think of the person I've become. The changes in my life I've made since she passed. The choices I've made, the friends I've made, the work I do, even what I do for fun.
Mom was always into much of the same things as me. Loved cars, music, art, racing... so I would hope she'd be happy for me.
If there IS something beyond this life for us all, I hope she's having a big party there with other relatives and friends we've lost. I hope she's looking on and is happy and content with how things are.
So, I'm grumpy today. I'm in a funk, the blues, the blahs... whatever. I wish things were easy, but they are what they are, and we all have to make the best of what we have in front of us.
I guess it beats the alternative.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The past week
It's been a very crazy week here. Being Memorial day weekend and me being gone for most of it, I had alot of stuff to catch up on. On top of that I wasn't really able to get my brain back into the swing of working.
We've been soo busy at work trying to make deadlines and meet scheduling promises, there's not been much time to sit and think. I've spent most of my drives home doing enough thinking to last me a month. I guess everything of the past month or so has just been building up and before you know it... something you were looking forward to for so long has come and gone so quick.
Now you have the memories and the thoughts and feelings that you've been having take on a different meaning. You become reflective and maybe thinking twice about what you did, said, etc... and then have to remind yourself that what's behind you isn't anything you can change, and why would you want to?
Takes alot of will power to stick to your plans and to not try to overthink or overanylize what happens.
Work has really been stressful.... life has been... well, it's been great, but tough at times too. I look forward to more times like that. Many more. I have no regrets or problems with anything that I've had to contend with.
I think its going to be a great, and rewarding summer.
June is almost here!
We've been soo busy at work trying to make deadlines and meet scheduling promises, there's not been much time to sit and think. I've spent most of my drives home doing enough thinking to last me a month. I guess everything of the past month or so has just been building up and before you know it... something you were looking forward to for so long has come and gone so quick.
Now you have the memories and the thoughts and feelings that you've been having take on a different meaning. You become reflective and maybe thinking twice about what you did, said, etc... and then have to remind yourself that what's behind you isn't anything you can change, and why would you want to?
Takes alot of will power to stick to your plans and to not try to overthink or overanylize what happens.
Work has really been stressful.... life has been... well, it's been great, but tough at times too. I look forward to more times like that. Many more. I have no regrets or problems with anything that I've had to contend with.
I think its going to be a great, and rewarding summer.
June is almost here!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Just how bad I needed a vacation
This past weekend was something I've not done in a while... Taken time off. More importantly, I took time off for a non-racing event... non family visiting...just going somewhere to BE there.
I went this past weekend to meet many other online people at a web forum gathering. I was really looking forward to this weekend for many reasons. Most of which was to meet people, make new friends, and spend time around a bunch of cars.
I didn't realize just how much I needed the vacation until I got there. Not long after I was there, I just felt a HUGE weight lifted off me. Any and all uneasyness, or worries or anxiety quickly went away. After an hour or so, I was feeling pretty relaxed, and free... free from time, a schedule, and from the outside world and it's crap.
All that mattered was the here and now. The future can wait, the past didn't matter.
I need to get out more often. I met a ton of great people that all share similar interests, saw some fantastic cars and had a great time mingling with people and just spending time together.
Need time to recover....
I went this past weekend to meet many other online people at a web forum gathering. I was really looking forward to this weekend for many reasons. Most of which was to meet people, make new friends, and spend time around a bunch of cars.
I didn't realize just how much I needed the vacation until I got there. Not long after I was there, I just felt a HUGE weight lifted off me. Any and all uneasyness, or worries or anxiety quickly went away. After an hour or so, I was feeling pretty relaxed, and free... free from time, a schedule, and from the outside world and it's crap.
All that mattered was the here and now. The future can wait, the past didn't matter.
I need to get out more often. I met a ton of great people that all share similar interests, saw some fantastic cars and had a great time mingling with people and just spending time together.
Need time to recover....
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Weekend ahead..
Well...
I'm doing something I've not done in a LONG TIME this weekend... Taking a trip with no schedule, no firm plans and little dealines.
Heading to the National Corvette Museum for a big memorial day weekend party. Should be a blast.
I'll have plenty of stories and pics to share when I get back. I hope.
This has the potential to be a weekend I won't forget for a long time.
:)
I'm doing something I've not done in a LONG TIME this weekend... Taking a trip with no schedule, no firm plans and little dealines.
Heading to the National Corvette Museum for a big memorial day weekend party. Should be a blast.
I'll have plenty of stories and pics to share when I get back. I hope.
This has the potential to be a weekend I won't forget for a long time.
:)
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Inner voice, inner demon, inner peace
When you're talking to a friend about problems you're having... whether it's love, life, work, or whatever... you always find one of them sooner or later saying "trust your inner voice".. If you got voices in your head, don't you think you've got bigger issues??
In all seriousness.. I find myself sometimes struggling with those very voices. You KNOW they are usually right, or at least, more right than you are, and yet I have rarely gone ahead and listened to them. Instead of trusting my gut, and doing what needed to be done, I always just follow my heart. My heart is a moron at times and doesn't see the big picture every now and then.
When we want something...sooo bad, we tend to rationalize with ourselves ( yes... that voice is the one we argue with ) and convince ourselves that what we want and what we need are one in the same. That just becuase we feel we deserve something that we should have it.. consequences be damned. It's not that simple... I know it.. we all do.. we do it anyway, becuase we tell ourselves it's the right thing, or the acceptable thing to do.
Usually, the root of the struggle comes from our past. Whether it's past mistakes, missed chances, hopes and dreams we strive to make real, or just "I want that...", it always comes back to haunt us. Those inner demons nag at us, eat at our subconscious minds and sabotage what we do in the here and now.
Now, I'm not saying that those demons we all have are evil, but we're always afraid of repeating a past bad time. Maybe it's all in our minds, but it's VERY REAL in that mind and we have to deal with it. Either we confront those ones head on, or we hide from them, or we pick and choose our battles and take things as they come.
My worst demon is no less important than yours.. and no less scary... to ME. It's important that we understand that when someone talks to you about their problem. It's hard for them to deal with it as it is, and the last thing they need is to have you trivailize it.
So... that brings me to inner peace... or the search for it.
As we grow up, we're searching for our own identity, sometimes finding that we're not the person that we thought we wanted to be. Making matters worse is that when you get older and have that circle of friends that KNOW you, it's hard to change. They expect you to be a certain way, and in that way, it's constricting and stunts your growth as a person.
Time goes on and you find your path, and yet still struggle for finding that place of serenity or neutrality that you can just BE and not be judged, be scrutinized, or otherwise feel you have to be "that person". Finding that place can be as duanting as finding your path or purpose in life. It's there.... you just have to open your eyes and you heart to find it.
What we do with our time here is more important than any rewards, money, fame or acknowledgment that we can get. Making yourself happy... truly happy, is the name of the game. Whether it's your career, love, hobbies, etc... YOU control your own destiny and fortune. Maybe in the grand scheme our paths are written... I dunno.
We're all connected whether we realize it or not. The longer you stay in this world, you realize how small it really is.
Be happy... find that place in your soul where you're at peace.
Be happy... Don't let things in life that cause 'drama' rattle you to the point where you want to give in.
Maybe it's all gibberish...
In all seriousness.. I find myself sometimes struggling with those very voices. You KNOW they are usually right, or at least, more right than you are, and yet I have rarely gone ahead and listened to them. Instead of trusting my gut, and doing what needed to be done, I always just follow my heart. My heart is a moron at times and doesn't see the big picture every now and then.
When we want something...sooo bad, we tend to rationalize with ourselves ( yes... that voice is the one we argue with ) and convince ourselves that what we want and what we need are one in the same. That just becuase we feel we deserve something that we should have it.. consequences be damned. It's not that simple... I know it.. we all do.. we do it anyway, becuase we tell ourselves it's the right thing, or the acceptable thing to do.
Usually, the root of the struggle comes from our past. Whether it's past mistakes, missed chances, hopes and dreams we strive to make real, or just "I want that...", it always comes back to haunt us. Those inner demons nag at us, eat at our subconscious minds and sabotage what we do in the here and now.
Now, I'm not saying that those demons we all have are evil, but we're always afraid of repeating a past bad time. Maybe it's all in our minds, but it's VERY REAL in that mind and we have to deal with it. Either we confront those ones head on, or we hide from them, or we pick and choose our battles and take things as they come.
My worst demon is no less important than yours.. and no less scary... to ME. It's important that we understand that when someone talks to you about their problem. It's hard for them to deal with it as it is, and the last thing they need is to have you trivailize it.
So... that brings me to inner peace... or the search for it.
As we grow up, we're searching for our own identity, sometimes finding that we're not the person that we thought we wanted to be. Making matters worse is that when you get older and have that circle of friends that KNOW you, it's hard to change. They expect you to be a certain way, and in that way, it's constricting and stunts your growth as a person.
Time goes on and you find your path, and yet still struggle for finding that place of serenity or neutrality that you can just BE and not be judged, be scrutinized, or otherwise feel you have to be "that person". Finding that place can be as duanting as finding your path or purpose in life. It's there.... you just have to open your eyes and you heart to find it.
What we do with our time here is more important than any rewards, money, fame or acknowledgment that we can get. Making yourself happy... truly happy, is the name of the game. Whether it's your career, love, hobbies, etc... YOU control your own destiny and fortune. Maybe in the grand scheme our paths are written... I dunno.
We're all connected whether we realize it or not. The longer you stay in this world, you realize how small it really is.
Be happy... find that place in your soul where you're at peace.
Be happy... Don't let things in life that cause 'drama' rattle you to the point where you want to give in.
Maybe it's all gibberish...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
New shoes
Got a bunch of new shoes for the car this week.... Between off-road use tires and ON-road use... I spent more than I did all last season to compete...sheeesh...
I'll have pics soon, as it's dark and I'm getting the new tires mounted on the race weels tomorrow, and the street wheels are getting new tires as well. I figure 30K miles on them is enough...
Hope you all are having a great week. Mine's been up and down, but looks to be UP right now, so I'm not complaining...
I'll have pics soon, as it's dark and I'm getting the new tires mounted on the race weels tomorrow, and the street wheels are getting new tires as well. I figure 30K miles on them is enough...
Hope you all are having a great week. Mine's been up and down, but looks to be UP right now, so I'm not complaining...
Saturday, May 3, 2008
enough to make you cry like a baby
So, I was flipping thru the stations just now and I saw a commercial that caught my attention.
It was for the ASPCA, and was hosted by Sarah Maclachlan. I am a dog lover to begin with and hate the idea of people neglecting, abandoning or harming animals in general, especially dogs. I'm not a cat lover, but would never want harm to come to them either.
The images both still and video were heartbreaking. Made me want to rush out and adopt a dog, even though I have neither the room nor time to care for an additional one.
Don't know why I brought this up. Maybe just a little bummed out today for other reasons and that commercial just struck a chord with me.
It was for the ASPCA, and was hosted by Sarah Maclachlan. I am a dog lover to begin with and hate the idea of people neglecting, abandoning or harming animals in general, especially dogs. I'm not a cat lover, but would never want harm to come to them either.
The images both still and video were heartbreaking. Made me want to rush out and adopt a dog, even though I have neither the room nor time to care for an additional one.
Don't know why I brought this up. Maybe just a little bummed out today for other reasons and that commercial just struck a chord with me.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A new season has begun
I've been quite busy with various things in my life lately and this has taken a backseat to that at the moment.... I'll try to sum things up in a neat package...
Work:
Work has been killing me, but has been very rewarding at the same time. We're currently working on the new ( and 1st ) casino in town and we've been under the gun to make things go smoothly and quickly. This means getting stuff modeled, detailed, printed and reviewed so it can be sent for approval, and then the other guys get to check all the work... then get it to the shop. This wouldn't have been an issue had the designs not changed a bunch of times and questions got answered in a timely fashion. Instead... it lags and we have to wait... and here we are.
So, the bosses have made incentives for us to work more and get things back on track. That's great, but now with it being spring, there's work around the yard and such to be done too.
I can't complain. They treat me VERY well and while everyone is screaming about a recession, we've not been busier.. having to turn work away at times. That's a nice problem to have.
Racing:
This past weekend started my new season and I got to really see what little I did to the car made a difference. For whatever reason, I went into this weekend with alot of confidence and a great attitude about it.
Friday night I setup the 1st course for our test event with some other of the drivers.
Saturday we had our test event and got to drive a few cool cars and rode in a few VERY cool cars... made my day.
Sunday's event was a blast. Like I said, I went into it not worrying about where I'd place, or who was in my class. I just was happy to be there driving again and have a great time with all my racing buddies.
I found that I drove very aggressively and spun in the 1st run. After I got that out of the way, I felt more relaxed and on each run I got quicker. Each time, the car felt slower, and smoother, and nothing came out of nowhere to surprise me. I was rewarded in the end with a class win over someone that normally eeks me out of decent places and out of 97 drivers, I finished 27th. Not bad for a 1st event of the season.
Personal:
Most of my confidence as of late has been the result of a close friend's attitude towards me. It's nice to have someone that believes in you and supports what you enjoy doing. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool when you are trying to do something well and you work so hard to achieve it.
My friend is going thru a bit of a tough time, and I'm doing my best to be that same person they have been to me. It's a bit of a different situation, but the intent is the same.
Sometimes no matter what you try to do, you need to step back and just be there. It's not saying you don't care, but you're showing that you do by not smothering them or clammoring for thier attention and giving them the space they need.
It's hard to walk that line. You care and want to be sure they KNOW you are there and want to help if you can, but you also have to respect that you have no idea what they're going thru and sometimes just letting them be, and standing aside until you're needed is the right thing.
You can be a friend and still let them have space. You may think you know what's right, and what's best, but you're not them, and no one can change that. Everyone needs to follow their own path and find thier way to that door we all must walk thru someday.
I've been really good at that balance so far, but it's hard.
Work:
Work has been killing me, but has been very rewarding at the same time. We're currently working on the new ( and 1st ) casino in town and we've been under the gun to make things go smoothly and quickly. This means getting stuff modeled, detailed, printed and reviewed so it can be sent for approval, and then the other guys get to check all the work... then get it to the shop. This wouldn't have been an issue had the designs not changed a bunch of times and questions got answered in a timely fashion. Instead... it lags and we have to wait... and here we are.
So, the bosses have made incentives for us to work more and get things back on track. That's great, but now with it being spring, there's work around the yard and such to be done too.
I can't complain. They treat me VERY well and while everyone is screaming about a recession, we've not been busier.. having to turn work away at times. That's a nice problem to have.
Racing:
This past weekend started my new season and I got to really see what little I did to the car made a difference. For whatever reason, I went into this weekend with alot of confidence and a great attitude about it.
Friday night I setup the 1st course for our test event with some other of the drivers.
Saturday we had our test event and got to drive a few cool cars and rode in a few VERY cool cars... made my day.
Sunday's event was a blast. Like I said, I went into it not worrying about where I'd place, or who was in my class. I just was happy to be there driving again and have a great time with all my racing buddies.
I found that I drove very aggressively and spun in the 1st run. After I got that out of the way, I felt more relaxed and on each run I got quicker. Each time, the car felt slower, and smoother, and nothing came out of nowhere to surprise me. I was rewarded in the end with a class win over someone that normally eeks me out of decent places and out of 97 drivers, I finished 27th. Not bad for a 1st event of the season.
Personal:
Most of my confidence as of late has been the result of a close friend's attitude towards me. It's nice to have someone that believes in you and supports what you enjoy doing. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool when you are trying to do something well and you work so hard to achieve it.
My friend is going thru a bit of a tough time, and I'm doing my best to be that same person they have been to me. It's a bit of a different situation, but the intent is the same.
Sometimes no matter what you try to do, you need to step back and just be there. It's not saying you don't care, but you're showing that you do by not smothering them or clammoring for thier attention and giving them the space they need.
It's hard to walk that line. You care and want to be sure they KNOW you are there and want to help if you can, but you also have to respect that you have no idea what they're going thru and sometimes just letting them be, and standing aside until you're needed is the right thing.
You can be a friend and still let them have space. You may think you know what's right, and what's best, but you're not them, and no one can change that. Everyone needs to follow their own path and find thier way to that door we all must walk thru someday.
I've been really good at that balance so far, but it's hard.
Monday, April 14, 2008
where does the time go?
Sorry it's been a while since I posted. I've had a ton of stuff going on and life takes over and rules supreme over the rest.
So... what's been going on?? I don't even know where I can start...
Work has been really pushing my limits both mentally and physically. Between long hours, tight deadlines, and training, I've not had much time to let my brain sit idle and THINK about much else. What thoughts HAVE been in there aren't ones that can be put here.
The upcoming season is almost here, and I've been spending what little time I have free to get little things done here and there. This weekend I did the brakes... New wheels and some new tires are next in line.
Things on other levels are unchanged. Things are what they are. I know that sounds cryptic, but that's about all I can put into words. In my new role of "taking things as they come, one day at a time", it makes things at the same time both complicated and simple.
Simple, in that I know what I want from things and what I DO NOT want. Simple in that I have gotten very good and letting things roll off, not let too many things get to me, and more importantly... not read too much into things that come your way. Sometimes, you blow things out of proportion, or take something the wrong way, or whatever....
Complicatied in that for whatever reason, nothing in life is ever cut and dry. Nothing happens in life that is without it's share of risk and reward. The trick is to find that balance where the risks and the rewards don't make things ugly.
If the risk is too great in your eyes, you will normally back away and play it safe. Conversely, if the reward is great, you might jump TOO quickly and get burned.
We all play these odds in our heads. Laying awake at night, running the various scenarios in our heads how things COULD go, and thinking about what we'd do if "this" happened, or if "that" happened. You can drive yourself insane with those thoughts. We psych ourselves out of doing something for fear of failure, embarrassment, rejection, etc... and we could end up missing the most important thing to happen to us in our lives.
Or it could just be another day. You could dodge that bullet and find that life goes on without that thing and you're still going to be pretty damn OK.
Life's funny that way I hear.
Sometimes we have no time to think, and we feel as if our head will explode if we don't get some thoughts out and in the open... Sometimes the thoughts, feelings, fears and such that we keep can consume and tear us apart. Sometimes they feed that monster in us that keeps us at arm's length so we don't get hurt. Sometimes... we just need to vent.
I get both... I get alot of pressure internally to keep my mouth shut and heart closed as to keep things close to me and not let people in. I make sure my time is filled with tasks and such to keep it busy and keep those thoughts at bay. Then, when I get time alone to think ( usually driving ), I find alot of stuff that I've kept compartmentalized gets garbled and makes no sense.
That's part of why I started this here.... To organize and flesh out alot of the things in my head that I've not been able to assemble. Sometimes I realize I should keep my trap shut, but I've been good at letting this become it's own animal.
I can't say what the future holds right now. Nor can I even begin to think about even where I see myself 1 yr, or more down the road. I'm just a traveller on this road right now and my maps have only points, no names on them...
So... what's been going on?? I don't even know where I can start...
Work has been really pushing my limits both mentally and physically. Between long hours, tight deadlines, and training, I've not had much time to let my brain sit idle and THINK about much else. What thoughts HAVE been in there aren't ones that can be put here.
The upcoming season is almost here, and I've been spending what little time I have free to get little things done here and there. This weekend I did the brakes... New wheels and some new tires are next in line.
Things on other levels are unchanged. Things are what they are. I know that sounds cryptic, but that's about all I can put into words. In my new role of "taking things as they come, one day at a time", it makes things at the same time both complicated and simple.
Simple, in that I know what I want from things and what I DO NOT want. Simple in that I have gotten very good and letting things roll off, not let too many things get to me, and more importantly... not read too much into things that come your way. Sometimes, you blow things out of proportion, or take something the wrong way, or whatever....
Complicatied in that for whatever reason, nothing in life is ever cut and dry. Nothing happens in life that is without it's share of risk and reward. The trick is to find that balance where the risks and the rewards don't make things ugly.
If the risk is too great in your eyes, you will normally back away and play it safe. Conversely, if the reward is great, you might jump TOO quickly and get burned.
We all play these odds in our heads. Laying awake at night, running the various scenarios in our heads how things COULD go, and thinking about what we'd do if "this" happened, or if "that" happened. You can drive yourself insane with those thoughts. We psych ourselves out of doing something for fear of failure, embarrassment, rejection, etc... and we could end up missing the most important thing to happen to us in our lives.
Or it could just be another day. You could dodge that bullet and find that life goes on without that thing and you're still going to be pretty damn OK.
Life's funny that way I hear.
Sometimes we have no time to think, and we feel as if our head will explode if we don't get some thoughts out and in the open... Sometimes the thoughts, feelings, fears and such that we keep can consume and tear us apart. Sometimes they feed that monster in us that keeps us at arm's length so we don't get hurt. Sometimes... we just need to vent.
I get both... I get alot of pressure internally to keep my mouth shut and heart closed as to keep things close to me and not let people in. I make sure my time is filled with tasks and such to keep it busy and keep those thoughts at bay. Then, when I get time alone to think ( usually driving ), I find alot of stuff that I've kept compartmentalized gets garbled and makes no sense.
That's part of why I started this here.... To organize and flesh out alot of the things in my head that I've not been able to assemble. Sometimes I realize I should keep my trap shut, but I've been good at letting this become it's own animal.
I can't say what the future holds right now. Nor can I even begin to think about even where I see myself 1 yr, or more down the road. I'm just a traveller on this road right now and my maps have only points, no names on them...
Monday, April 7, 2008
Spring is here
So, I hope everyone is having good spring-like weather in your corner of the land.,,
This past weekend I spent part of it outdoors. The local club had their 1st autocross of the season and I had to attend, even if I wasn't running. Not that I HAD to go, but I felt I had to go since I wanted to get out and see everybody as well as check out everyone's new or updated rides.
After about 20 minutes there, I wish I'd have begged for a co-drive or just put my car in anyway. The weather was great. So great, in fact, that I got a good bit of sunburn. Just on my face and neck, but it's not feeling fun right now.
There was alot of really great cars out and it was really good to hang out and talk cars with them all. 2 Weeks from now, there's another event, and I'll be there for sure. New brakes are going on the car this weekend, and my tires will be good for that one as well. I'll have to order new tires in teh next few weeks I feel as well.
Sorry I've been away from the posting... it's been a bit crazy as I usually say it is.
This past weekend I spent part of it outdoors. The local club had their 1st autocross of the season and I had to attend, even if I wasn't running. Not that I HAD to go, but I felt I had to go since I wanted to get out and see everybody as well as check out everyone's new or updated rides.
After about 20 minutes there, I wish I'd have begged for a co-drive or just put my car in anyway. The weather was great. So great, in fact, that I got a good bit of sunburn. Just on my face and neck, but it's not feeling fun right now.
There was alot of really great cars out and it was really good to hang out and talk cars with them all. 2 Weeks from now, there's another event, and I'll be there for sure. New brakes are going on the car this weekend, and my tires will be good for that one as well. I'll have to order new tires in teh next few weeks I feel as well.
Sorry I've been away from the posting... it's been a bit crazy as I usually say it is.
Friday, March 28, 2008
best hollywood movie cars?
I thought this was a great link since I'm such a movie nut and a car nut...
I don't completely gree with all the selections, but oh well...
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/hollywoodautoshow.html
Personally, I want to know where the 77 Trans Am is from Smokey & The Bandit...
Sorry I've been quiet this week... It's been a stressfull week and I'm just now getting back to normal.
I don't completely gree with all the selections, but oh well...
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/hollywoodautoshow.html
Personally, I want to know where the 77 Trans Am is from Smokey & The Bandit...
Sorry I've been quiet this week... It's been a stressfull week and I'm just now getting back to normal.
Monday, March 24, 2008
How lucky we are.
In our hustle and rush thru our daily lives, we often forget just how fortunate most of us really are. We whine and complain about work, when there's many people that would kill for 1/2 of what we make in a year, or just to even have a job in the 1st place.
We complain about our friends and their "trivial" drama lives, yet there's so many out there that have no one to turn to when they need a hand, or just a shoulder to lean on.
We compain about not having the best of whatever... but there's people that have to walk miles to work, live in less than acceptable places, and haven't had clothes that were just theirs in years.
This weekend, I was reminded of how lucky I am, both as a person, and a son. A very good friend of mine, actually it's the whole family I'm close to... had a birthday party this weekend to celebrate their's son's 1st B-day. I was the only "non-family" person there. I know they look at me as family, as I do to them. A few years ago, my friend's father , who is diabetic lost his legs from sugars. This man while not perfect, has been one of the most influential people in my younger years shaping the car-guy that I am.
When I was a kid, there was always some really cool cars in the garage, driveway, or stories about the cars he owned and the times he had with them. The oldest boy came home in the family's 1967 Corvette 427 Stingray which was in the family for close to 30 years. I remember as a young boy sitting with his youngest boy ( my age ) in the car in the garage taking turns "driving the car" and having a blast. Waiting for the day I might get to go for a real ride in the car. Thru the years, he always had old muscle cars and new fast cars in there... but the Vette was always there...
It was my 1st exposure to that car, and is the main reason I'm as passionate about the model as I am.
His dad has changed alot of the past few years. No doubt that his situation has had a grand effect on his outlook. Instead of being someone that feels "why me" and wants to just sit there and let everyone wait on him, he's become very independent and says he can't wait to get his "new legs" so he can get back out and do things. He's waiting on his new powered wheel chair, and when asked about what color he wanted, he told them he wanted bright flames on the side... wants it to be set on thei highest power range so he can go fast...
He and I talked boaut modern cars and when he mentioned he was out of touch on what was out there these days, he said "Hey, do you have any old car magazines that are recent? I could really use to get up to speed on what's cool out there again.."
I told him that it would be NO PROBLEM to get him some to read. So, before he left, I decided that I was going to do one better... asking the mother about his address ( they're since divorced but still close ), and explaining WHY I wanted it, to get some subscriptions sent to his place, she about broke down. Telling me i didn't have to do that...
I feel it's the least I can do. They always welcomed me in their home, treating me as their adopted son, shaping so much of who I've become ( on my car side ) that I can't think of a reason NOT to do something.
Here's a man that is trying to rebuild himself and while he's not 100% perky and positive all the time, he's far more happy about life than people I know that are far better off.
Funny how something like that can have such a profound affect on you.
We complain about our friends and their "trivial" drama lives, yet there's so many out there that have no one to turn to when they need a hand, or just a shoulder to lean on.
We compain about not having the best of whatever... but there's people that have to walk miles to work, live in less than acceptable places, and haven't had clothes that were just theirs in years.
This weekend, I was reminded of how lucky I am, both as a person, and a son. A very good friend of mine, actually it's the whole family I'm close to... had a birthday party this weekend to celebrate their's son's 1st B-day. I was the only "non-family" person there. I know they look at me as family, as I do to them. A few years ago, my friend's father , who is diabetic lost his legs from sugars. This man while not perfect, has been one of the most influential people in my younger years shaping the car-guy that I am.
When I was a kid, there was always some really cool cars in the garage, driveway, or stories about the cars he owned and the times he had with them. The oldest boy came home in the family's 1967 Corvette 427 Stingray which was in the family for close to 30 years. I remember as a young boy sitting with his youngest boy ( my age ) in the car in the garage taking turns "driving the car" and having a blast. Waiting for the day I might get to go for a real ride in the car. Thru the years, he always had old muscle cars and new fast cars in there... but the Vette was always there...
It was my 1st exposure to that car, and is the main reason I'm as passionate about the model as I am.
His dad has changed alot of the past few years. No doubt that his situation has had a grand effect on his outlook. Instead of being someone that feels "why me" and wants to just sit there and let everyone wait on him, he's become very independent and says he can't wait to get his "new legs" so he can get back out and do things. He's waiting on his new powered wheel chair, and when asked about what color he wanted, he told them he wanted bright flames on the side... wants it to be set on thei highest power range so he can go fast...
He and I talked boaut modern cars and when he mentioned he was out of touch on what was out there these days, he said "Hey, do you have any old car magazines that are recent? I could really use to get up to speed on what's cool out there again.."
I told him that it would be NO PROBLEM to get him some to read. So, before he left, I decided that I was going to do one better... asking the mother about his address ( they're since divorced but still close ), and explaining WHY I wanted it, to get some subscriptions sent to his place, she about broke down. Telling me i didn't have to do that...
I feel it's the least I can do. They always welcomed me in their home, treating me as their adopted son, shaping so much of who I've become ( on my car side ) that I can't think of a reason NOT to do something.
Here's a man that is trying to rebuild himself and while he's not 100% perky and positive all the time, he's far more happy about life than people I know that are far better off.
Funny how something like that can have such a profound affect on you.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Finally here...
So, it's Friday.. It's supposed to be SPRING here... It's beautiful today although a bit chilly and we're supposed to get snow tonight / tomorrow..
It's been a long week. I've not felt much like working and when I AM there, my head is not completely there, wandering to places it would rather be. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and enjoy what I do and who I work for. I can just think of a place or two that I could better be spending my time.
I bought more parts for the car, and will be ending up buying more for the upcoming season again as well this coming two weeks. Tires and more tires it seems. Picked up another set of brakes today from a local shop that I've been dealing with. Great guy to do business with and since he's a local, it's easy to call or email and get help.
My new glasses are working out, but the sunglasses had to go back today to get re-done. Apparetnly they messed up one lens and I was getting sick ( think car sick ) when I wore them becuase my eyes were fighting to adjust and focus... ick!
So I have 2 weeks before they'll be back. Glad this isn't my travelling season yet.
You maybe will be surprised that I'm not working at all this weekend. Just not into it right now. I'm acutally looking forward to Monday alot. Long story why, but I am. Who really ever looks forward to Mondays??
Had a good time last night with my cousin, Ryan. We worked on his car for a few hours and then went to a local bar and got some food. We stayed up way later than I planned to talk about the upcoming season and also his part in our trip to Nationals this year. He's going to be co-driving my car with me and wanted to talk to him about all the various things we need to get done and WHEN they need to be done by.
I'm exhuasted.
But... I can sleep anytime
It's been a long week. I've not felt much like working and when I AM there, my head is not completely there, wandering to places it would rather be. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and enjoy what I do and who I work for. I can just think of a place or two that I could better be spending my time.
I bought more parts for the car, and will be ending up buying more for the upcoming season again as well this coming two weeks. Tires and more tires it seems. Picked up another set of brakes today from a local shop that I've been dealing with. Great guy to do business with and since he's a local, it's easy to call or email and get help.
My new glasses are working out, but the sunglasses had to go back today to get re-done. Apparetnly they messed up one lens and I was getting sick ( think car sick ) when I wore them becuase my eyes were fighting to adjust and focus... ick!
So I have 2 weeks before they'll be back. Glad this isn't my travelling season yet.
You maybe will be surprised that I'm not working at all this weekend. Just not into it right now. I'm acutally looking forward to Monday alot. Long story why, but I am. Who really ever looks forward to Mondays??
Had a good time last night with my cousin, Ryan. We worked on his car for a few hours and then went to a local bar and got some food. We stayed up way later than I planned to talk about the upcoming season and also his part in our trip to Nationals this year. He's going to be co-driving my car with me and wanted to talk to him about all the various things we need to get done and WHEN they need to be done by.
I'm exhuasted.
But... I can sleep anytime
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
a whole new world...
I picked up my new glasses today...
1st new pair in almost a decade... I can't believe the difference... It's like new eyes.
My body is rejecting them, and making me nauseous while it tries to adjust. My nose hurts becasue the pads sit differently...
But... I can see, and I'm told they look good on me. We'll see how others think...
1st new pair in almost a decade... I can't believe the difference... It's like new eyes.
My body is rejecting them, and making me nauseous while it tries to adjust. My nose hurts becasue the pads sit differently...
But... I can see, and I'm told they look good on me. We'll see how others think...
Monday, March 17, 2008
Weekend and today... all in one
Happy St. Patty's day to you all!
This weekend was a very busy one for me. I had to work on Saturday ( well.. HAD TO is inaccurate... I chose to...) and then traveled to a friend's place to wrok on his drag racer. I nice 1981 Camaro that he's had for as long as I can remember. This time around, we put the freshened motor back in it's place with all the accesories as well. He had most of the WORK already in place... I was basically an extra pair of hands for him and I got to learn more about everything there. Spent about 6 hrs that day working and felt good to get dirty, greasy, and bloody.. wouldn't be a night working on a car if one of us didn't walk away with a new wound.
We later went out after a parts run and got some MUCH needed food, and some "needed" beverages. Watched the Pitt vs. Georgetwon Big East championship game... Go Panthers!
Sunday, it was MY car's turn to get worked on. My car has ALOT of miles on it and some parts are starting to wear, and also I wanted to upgrade them for the upcoming season. I helped my friend and co-competitor Justin install new Adjustable shocks on the SS ( Konis-yellow ) and it was quite an adventure. The car fought us a bit and Justin wasn't used to the GM way of doing things as he's normally wrenching on Subarus, but it all worked out and made for a fun day. I learned more about how things work and got more grease and dirt in me ...
UPDATE: Here's the pics...
This weekend was a very busy one for me. I had to work on Saturday ( well.. HAD TO is inaccurate... I chose to...) and then traveled to a friend's place to wrok on his drag racer. I nice 1981 Camaro that he's had for as long as I can remember. This time around, we put the freshened motor back in it's place with all the accesories as well. He had most of the WORK already in place... I was basically an extra pair of hands for him and I got to learn more about everything there. Spent about 6 hrs that day working and felt good to get dirty, greasy, and bloody.. wouldn't be a night working on a car if one of us didn't walk away with a new wound.
We later went out after a parts run and got some MUCH needed food, and some "needed" beverages. Watched the Pitt vs. Georgetwon Big East championship game... Go Panthers!
Sunday, it was MY car's turn to get worked on. My car has ALOT of miles on it and some parts are starting to wear, and also I wanted to upgrade them for the upcoming season. I helped my friend and co-competitor Justin install new Adjustable shocks on the SS ( Konis-yellow ) and it was quite an adventure. The car fought us a bit and Justin wasn't used to the GM way of doing things as he's normally wrenching on Subarus, but it all worked out and made for a fun day. I learned more about how things work and got more grease and dirt in me ...
UPDATE: Here's the pics...
Today was a beautiful day here weather wise, and I got to drive home with the moonroof back. Felt good to know spring is not far away... I even left work early today... only putting 8 hrs in. That's a short day for me...
Got alot done tonight... Got my bills all wrote out... got my Autocrossing stuff organized for the upcoming test and tune event I'm running this year... that's a whole other story...
BUT... after all this... It's going to be a long quiet week.... the reasons are many...
Friday, March 14, 2008
Just a little nugget
I've been very busy lately with work, car shopping and fixing the car I have now. I've been slacking here and quite honestly, I haven't had the energy to think stuff up...
I'm going to have alot more on my mind this next week... a close friend of mine is going away on vacation and I won't get to talk to her the entire time. That's a bummer. I love our talks we have, and it's nice to have that person on the other side that looks forward to hearing your voice or seeing that email from you as much as you do them.
We find ourselves saying "I'll miss you, or I miss you.." and it hurts to think it. That someone you have known for only a relatively short time that you can become so attached, or spoiled that they're always there... to think they're not at your disposal is a traumatic event in a way...
That fear of the unknown... what will they be like when they get back? Will they really miss you?
How will the act when you see/talk to them again? Will everything be different?
I know where I stand. I know she knows where she does. It's that fear of what we think the other COULD decide in the absence of each other... sounds stupid, but it's true.
How well do you really know anyone? People that you know for decades pull stuff, so how can you expect someone you've known months to blindly trust you and vice versa...
Faith... faith in them... faith in the "us" factor. Belief in yourself that you're strong enough to weather a tough spot and also to stay the course no matter what it brings...
And in the end... faith that no matter what happens, you know it's ok... that everything will be ok.
I'm going to have alot more on my mind this next week... a close friend of mine is going away on vacation and I won't get to talk to her the entire time. That's a bummer. I love our talks we have, and it's nice to have that person on the other side that looks forward to hearing your voice or seeing that email from you as much as you do them.
We find ourselves saying "I'll miss you, or I miss you.." and it hurts to think it. That someone you have known for only a relatively short time that you can become so attached, or spoiled that they're always there... to think they're not at your disposal is a traumatic event in a way...
That fear of the unknown... what will they be like when they get back? Will they really miss you?
How will the act when you see/talk to them again? Will everything be different?
I know where I stand. I know she knows where she does. It's that fear of what we think the other COULD decide in the absence of each other... sounds stupid, but it's true.
How well do you really know anyone? People that you know for decades pull stuff, so how can you expect someone you've known months to blindly trust you and vice versa...
Faith... faith in them... faith in the "us" factor. Belief in yourself that you're strong enough to weather a tough spot and also to stay the course no matter what it brings...
And in the end... faith that no matter what happens, you know it's ok... that everything will be ok.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Changes abound
It's been a while since I last posted anything.... and for good reason I guess.
I've been EXTREMELY busy, mostly due to work, and also as a result of work creating the ability to do things...
Over the weekend, I bought a new cell phone and upgraded my service, so now I'm getting closer to being up in the same level as the rest of you, with getting txts better and cheaper, and more minutes since i have been using more lately.
I went and got new glasses. I've not had an eye exam since Bill Clinton was president and I think I was due. My glasses have seen better days and are really scratched. So, I got both a new pair of regular ones, and also some for sunny days... 1st pair of those in years.... I really need them with the amount of time I spend both in the car and in front of the screen ( like now ).
I had an ordeal getting them ordered today... long story... but that's done.
I took the car in today for service... and that was a fun time.... found a few little issues with the car that I wasn't thrilled about, but it's gotta be done I guess... REALLY thought hard about just getting something else... and I would have if the miles were lower on the car...
Oh well.... more to come :)
I've been EXTREMELY busy, mostly due to work, and also as a result of work creating the ability to do things...
Over the weekend, I bought a new cell phone and upgraded my service, so now I'm getting closer to being up in the same level as the rest of you, with getting txts better and cheaper, and more minutes since i have been using more lately.
I went and got new glasses. I've not had an eye exam since Bill Clinton was president and I think I was due. My glasses have seen better days and are really scratched. So, I got both a new pair of regular ones, and also some for sunny days... 1st pair of those in years.... I really need them with the amount of time I spend both in the car and in front of the screen ( like now ).
I had an ordeal getting them ordered today... long story... but that's done.
I took the car in today for service... and that was a fun time.... found a few little issues with the car that I wasn't thrilled about, but it's gotta be done I guess... REALLY thought hard about just getting something else... and I would have if the miles were lower on the car...
Oh well.... more to come :)
Monday, February 25, 2008
Is it spring yet?
Well, that whole "6 more weeks of winter..." thing is getting old. I'm ready for spring.
I'm tired of my car always being covered in Ice, Snow, and Salt...
I'm tired of having to wear 3 layers of clothes UNDER a coat.
I'm tired of everything looking dirty, dead and drab.
Hell, I'm tired of being tired.
I can't think of a time in my life when I was feelling this.... Maybe it's due to everyone saying how spring brings new hope of better days, or that it's a re-birth of everything around us. I've kinda had my own re-birth as of late, and while I can't complain one bit about the days I've had over the past month and a half, I DO look forward to better and brighter days to come.
Once the nicer weather comes, I won't be working as much ( I hope... ) since I'll have far better things to do than sit here until all hours of the evening working on things. If I don't get a full night's sleep, it won't be because I'm working too much, that's for sure.
I've said it before, I hope to get a few more states under my belt this year that I've not seen. I still want to travel abroad, but I still want to see more of the US first. I'm still working on this map folding trick I hear about... if you have point "a" and point "b" and you fold the map just right, you are supposed to be able to travel to that spot instantaneously.... saving time, gas, and greif.
I got one of those GPS units for the car.... It doesn't have that feature, but it might be on a download that I haven't found yet... I'm looking for it though!
Ok, I'm babbling... but I'm allowed to .. this is my page.
Nanner nanner nanner...
I'm tired of my car always being covered in Ice, Snow, and Salt...
I'm tired of having to wear 3 layers of clothes UNDER a coat.
I'm tired of everything looking dirty, dead and drab.
Hell, I'm tired of being tired.
I can't think of a time in my life when I was feelling this.... Maybe it's due to everyone saying how spring brings new hope of better days, or that it's a re-birth of everything around us. I've kinda had my own re-birth as of late, and while I can't complain one bit about the days I've had over the past month and a half, I DO look forward to better and brighter days to come.
Once the nicer weather comes, I won't be working as much ( I hope... ) since I'll have far better things to do than sit here until all hours of the evening working on things. If I don't get a full night's sleep, it won't be because I'm working too much, that's for sure.
I've said it before, I hope to get a few more states under my belt this year that I've not seen. I still want to travel abroad, but I still want to see more of the US first. I'm still working on this map folding trick I hear about... if you have point "a" and point "b" and you fold the map just right, you are supposed to be able to travel to that spot instantaneously.... saving time, gas, and greif.
I got one of those GPS units for the car.... It doesn't have that feature, but it might be on a download that I haven't found yet... I'm looking for it though!
Ok, I'm babbling... but I'm allowed to .. this is my page.
Nanner nanner nanner...
Friday, February 22, 2008
Weekend at hand
Here it is.... Another weekend us now in full swing for most of us on the "right coast" and the rest are catching up quick.
Work's been keeping my quite busy and shows no sign of letting up. My workaholic days are behind me, even if my current schedule doesn't relect it. Once the weather breaks and cars start staying clean I'll be working alot less than I am... I guess more like a "normal" person would be working.
The days all kinda bleed together for me, and maybe mentally it's starting to show. I don't really look forward to the weekends right now, and it's not because I dread them, but more to the point that I don't even realize that they are happening. We had a member of the drawing room quit and today was his last day. 4 of the 6 of us went out for "lunch" and were gone quite a long time, so it was just 2 of us holding down the fort.
Now that we're down a man, I see things getting worse before they get better. Everyone is going to feel more and more pressure to get teh job done and with less time and less manpower... well something's got to give.
Today... that thing that gave was my good mood I guess. I was doing GREAT today thanks to a great person keeping my brain entertained with various things, but for some reason I just got really ... well I don't know what the word would be.... maybe bummed or blah... and hated feeling that way. I've been doing so well, and while I know that no one stays in a great mood 24/7, I have been enjoying my days in the sunshine. The last thing I wanted to do was to let someone else take the brunt of it and make them assume that something they did was the cause... far from it.
I thought about somethings that have been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now and while some was trivial ( car stuff... ) , others were closer to my heart or soul. Things that you don't share with anyone, other than that little voice in your heart that guides you, albeit sometimes down the wrong path, and confirms what you know is true by proving it.
Now, that might not make much sense to some, and maybe to many that know me.
I've got some upcoming events that I need to start preparing for, both physically, mentally, and financially.. I'm wanting to travel some if certain things play out and that will take some planning and thought. The Autocrossing will start it's path to nationals again and I need to be ready for that, and so does the car.
Hard to believe that I'm less than 2 months from the 1st event and I've not got one thing ready on the car... I need to get some other people on board with some ideas, and also I have a new responsibility to tend to there so I have alot to get going...
My personal life.... well that is simple and yet at the same time complicated. Simple in that I know the basics of what I want and what I can and can't expect, or hope for. Complicated on the hows, ifs and whens of what can and might come to fruition. Time isn't my enemy like I thought it was and I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that for once... I don't care how long it will take, or even caring on the details...
Either it will work out in the end... or it won't. At the end of the day, I'll know that I just didn't sit on the sidelines and watch my life pass by me. I'll have lived it and I can look back and say that at least I tried and took a chance. I think we all are looking for that... someone to take a chance on us, and someone to take that same chance on.
Work's been keeping my quite busy and shows no sign of letting up. My workaholic days are behind me, even if my current schedule doesn't relect it. Once the weather breaks and cars start staying clean I'll be working alot less than I am... I guess more like a "normal" person would be working.
The days all kinda bleed together for me, and maybe mentally it's starting to show. I don't really look forward to the weekends right now, and it's not because I dread them, but more to the point that I don't even realize that they are happening. We had a member of the drawing room quit and today was his last day. 4 of the 6 of us went out for "lunch" and were gone quite a long time, so it was just 2 of us holding down the fort.
Now that we're down a man, I see things getting worse before they get better. Everyone is going to feel more and more pressure to get teh job done and with less time and less manpower... well something's got to give.
Today... that thing that gave was my good mood I guess. I was doing GREAT today thanks to a great person keeping my brain entertained with various things, but for some reason I just got really ... well I don't know what the word would be.... maybe bummed or blah... and hated feeling that way. I've been doing so well, and while I know that no one stays in a great mood 24/7, I have been enjoying my days in the sunshine. The last thing I wanted to do was to let someone else take the brunt of it and make them assume that something they did was the cause... far from it.
I thought about somethings that have been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now and while some was trivial ( car stuff... ) , others were closer to my heart or soul. Things that you don't share with anyone, other than that little voice in your heart that guides you, albeit sometimes down the wrong path, and confirms what you know is true by proving it.
Now, that might not make much sense to some, and maybe to many that know me.
I've got some upcoming events that I need to start preparing for, both physically, mentally, and financially.. I'm wanting to travel some if certain things play out and that will take some planning and thought. The Autocrossing will start it's path to nationals again and I need to be ready for that, and so does the car.
Hard to believe that I'm less than 2 months from the 1st event and I've not got one thing ready on the car... I need to get some other people on board with some ideas, and also I have a new responsibility to tend to there so I have alot to get going...
My personal life.... well that is simple and yet at the same time complicated. Simple in that I know the basics of what I want and what I can and can't expect, or hope for. Complicated on the hows, ifs and whens of what can and might come to fruition. Time isn't my enemy like I thought it was and I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that for once... I don't care how long it will take, or even caring on the details...
Either it will work out in the end... or it won't. At the end of the day, I'll know that I just didn't sit on the sidelines and watch my life pass by me. I'll have lived it and I can look back and say that at least I tried and took a chance. I think we all are looking for that... someone to take a chance on us, and someone to take that same chance on.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sleep, Stress and Cabin Fever
I was doing really good with getting a full night's sleep lately. I having been getting only 4 hrs of sleep, but it was a solid night's sleep. Working 15 hr days will apparently do that to you.
My work isn't the kind of physical work where I'm breaking rocks all day or something, but mentally it's pretty tough at times.
That brings the "stress" into the topic. I've had alot on my mind this past week, between work, friends, life, and the other personal stuff we all go thru. It's nothing major for the most part, but when you add it all up, it can get to be a bit much if you let it.
Work's schedule is getting pretty crazy and we're all working more hours. Deadlines need to be met, and there's not enough time in the day, or people to work to get things done. So, the workaholic I am, I've been putting alot of hours in... some think too many... and those all combine to give you the cabin fever thing...
I'm getting really itchy to get away from everything.... I would love to just become anonymous for a couple days, or a week... if I could take someone with me, that would be great, but I don't see that happening. Time will tell I guess.
Some things just make you feel bad that you can't help someone when you want to. We all have had that... someone you care about that even though they might not take your help, or there's nothing you CAN do to help, you still want to becuase you hate seeing them hurting, struggling or just want to make sure they are ok.
Us guys tend to have that "Mr. Fixit" syndrome where we feel we have to "FIX" whatever the problem is, and the fact is that we can't always do that. Either becuase we physically can't or that we just have to let things play out without our intervention. It's a rough thing to do, but we have to sometimes... Caring for someone sometimes means that you have to let go and let things happen without your input or guidence. Let them figure things out. It may not be the outcome you hope for, but if it's what is best for them, then that is what must happen.
I'm getting better at that, but it's still a work in progress...
sigh...
My work isn't the kind of physical work where I'm breaking rocks all day or something, but mentally it's pretty tough at times.
That brings the "stress" into the topic. I've had alot on my mind this past week, between work, friends, life, and the other personal stuff we all go thru. It's nothing major for the most part, but when you add it all up, it can get to be a bit much if you let it.
Work's schedule is getting pretty crazy and we're all working more hours. Deadlines need to be met, and there's not enough time in the day, or people to work to get things done. So, the workaholic I am, I've been putting alot of hours in... some think too many... and those all combine to give you the cabin fever thing...
I'm getting really itchy to get away from everything.... I would love to just become anonymous for a couple days, or a week... if I could take someone with me, that would be great, but I don't see that happening. Time will tell I guess.
Some things just make you feel bad that you can't help someone when you want to. We all have had that... someone you care about that even though they might not take your help, or there's nothing you CAN do to help, you still want to becuase you hate seeing them hurting, struggling or just want to make sure they are ok.
Us guys tend to have that "Mr. Fixit" syndrome where we feel we have to "FIX" whatever the problem is, and the fact is that we can't always do that. Either becuase we physically can't or that we just have to let things play out without our intervention. It's a rough thing to do, but we have to sometimes... Caring for someone sometimes means that you have to let go and let things happen without your input or guidence. Let them figure things out. It may not be the outcome you hope for, but if it's what is best for them, then that is what must happen.
I'm getting better at that, but it's still a work in progress...
sigh...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
V-Day Greetings...
Well,
According to "jackie" on that 70's show, this day is the holiest of days... pffft.... whatever !
Seriously, to all of you that have someone in your life, Happy Valentine's Day... For those of you that don't... Happy Thursday!
Me, I'm not sure just what I am at this point, but I'm not complaining. It's working well, whatever it is and this is the 1st time during this "holiday season" that I'm not bitchy, grumpy or otherwise saying F*$K You to everything involved with today... damn you arrow-shooting babies... :)
I look forward to getting to talk to my friend today and see how the day is there... wishing that geography was as simple as folding a map point "a" and "b" are right next to each other... that would make my day...
According to "jackie" on that 70's show, this day is the holiest of days... pffft.... whatever !
Seriously, to all of you that have someone in your life, Happy Valentine's Day... For those of you that don't... Happy Thursday!
Me, I'm not sure just what I am at this point, but I'm not complaining. It's working well, whatever it is and this is the 1st time during this "holiday season" that I'm not bitchy, grumpy or otherwise saying F*$K You to everything involved with today... damn you arrow-shooting babies... :)
I look forward to getting to talk to my friend today and see how the day is there... wishing that geography was as simple as folding a map point "a" and "b" are right next to each other... that would make my day...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Catching up
With how frequently I was posting the past 2 weeks, it feels like it's been forever since I last written anything. What's funny is, I've been writing, but not to here... so I've been writing just as much but it's been pointed in different directions.
Work has been keeping not only busy, but mentally drained. We've got a BIG project going thru the office and we're all working extra hours, but some are working more extra hours than others. Getting in the office @ 4:30 AM ( or 5AM ) and not leaving until at least 7PM each night takes its toll on the body, mind and soul. Between looming construction deadlines, Pending personell changes and just the everyday BS that we go thru here... well it really wears on a person at times.
Lots of other "personal" stuff have been going on behind the scenes. Some I can share, others I'm not ready to just yet. Nothing bad, that's for sure... :)
So here I am working and I'm way too far away from where I WANT TO be. It's that helpless feeling we all get from time to time when you want to be there for someone that means soo much to you and you can't. It sucks. They know I'm there in spirit and that my thoughts are always there and wishing things go smoothly, but you still WANT to be that shoulder to lean on, or that person to make sure they're getting plenty of rest, plenty to eat, drink... keep them comfortable...
I've had all kinds of thoughts in my head that I've either wanted to get out, express or just bounce off my own sounding board ( not that I enjoy hearing myself talk ... ) and see what really comes out. We always have these thoughts and feelings that we're not quite sure just what they all mean. Are they just "heat of the moment" kind of feelings that change quickly once you step away from the situation for a while? Are they just manifestations of our own fears, or desires? The ones that are constantly pushing and pulling at us to either say something, or keep them close to our chests. THOSE are the ones that always get us in trouble.
We say things we think we feel, right or wrong, and we get in way over our heads. Our hearts tell us that we NEED to say these things, or think these things. Sometimes.... we DO... others, things are best left for another time.
I'm still a firm believer in NOT living by the whole "some things are better left unsaid" thing. It's not true.
If you want to tell someone something... you should. Just pick the right time.
Not sure where that all came from, but I was speaking my mind...
Work has been keeping not only busy, but mentally drained. We've got a BIG project going thru the office and we're all working extra hours, but some are working more extra hours than others. Getting in the office @ 4:30 AM ( or 5AM ) and not leaving until at least 7PM each night takes its toll on the body, mind and soul. Between looming construction deadlines, Pending personell changes and just the everyday BS that we go thru here... well it really wears on a person at times.
Lots of other "personal" stuff have been going on behind the scenes. Some I can share, others I'm not ready to just yet. Nothing bad, that's for sure... :)
So here I am working and I'm way too far away from where I WANT TO be. It's that helpless feeling we all get from time to time when you want to be there for someone that means soo much to you and you can't. It sucks. They know I'm there in spirit and that my thoughts are always there and wishing things go smoothly, but you still WANT to be that shoulder to lean on, or that person to make sure they're getting plenty of rest, plenty to eat, drink... keep them comfortable...
I've had all kinds of thoughts in my head that I've either wanted to get out, express or just bounce off my own sounding board ( not that I enjoy hearing myself talk ... ) and see what really comes out. We always have these thoughts and feelings that we're not quite sure just what they all mean. Are they just "heat of the moment" kind of feelings that change quickly once you step away from the situation for a while? Are they just manifestations of our own fears, or desires? The ones that are constantly pushing and pulling at us to either say something, or keep them close to our chests. THOSE are the ones that always get us in trouble.
We say things we think we feel, right or wrong, and we get in way over our heads. Our hearts tell us that we NEED to say these things, or think these things. Sometimes.... we DO... others, things are best left for another time.
I'm still a firm believer in NOT living by the whole "some things are better left unsaid" thing. It's not true.
If you want to tell someone something... you should. Just pick the right time.
Not sure where that all came from, but I was speaking my mind...
Monday, February 4, 2008
Monday thoughts in a nutshell
Ok, so this was a very wild weekend in the end...
Friday started out boring, as I worked until 8PM again and by the time I got home... I was ready for sleep.
I slept late Saturday since I wasn't working and was ready for a day out with the guys. We all went to a Gun bash... basically.. you pay $20 and you eat and drink all you want, and every 15 minutes, they give away a gun or $$. PLUS all the raffles and such... it's all for a good cause, the local volunteer firemen, so we always go adn pony up some $. A few of us hit some 50/50 raffles and Dave won 2 guns...
Lots of beer was drank there, and they were ready for more. So we all went to the local watering hole and hung out. Long story short.. I drove one friend home in his truck, and the other guy had a DD, so it was good, until he drank a bit too much. Not worth going into that....
Sunday, I worked... then watched the Giants win the SuperBowl.
Today was a quiet day @ work. I was looking forward to it since I didn't get to talk much to a friend of mine over the weekend. Between emails and the occasional call that's all I am able to do right now. I think I enjoy that more than anything right now. She's a special person for sure.
I got quite the surprise @ lunch today when I came back from lunch to find mail on my chair. An envelope that was clearly from this same person... :)
I got an early Valentine's Day card.. How cool is that??? Made me smile and I'm sure I had a dumb grin on my face all afternoon. Our receptionsit was enjoying teasing me about it, as she was very adement about me shoing it to her. She was very tempted to open it herself. But she didn't.
Wasn't anything dramatic, or sappy, or too personal, but it was perfect for the situation. Made me feel like someone out there cares and is thinking of me. Just as I do of them.
Friday started out boring, as I worked until 8PM again and by the time I got home... I was ready for sleep.
I slept late Saturday since I wasn't working and was ready for a day out with the guys. We all went to a Gun bash... basically.. you pay $20 and you eat and drink all you want, and every 15 minutes, they give away a gun or $$. PLUS all the raffles and such... it's all for a good cause, the local volunteer firemen, so we always go adn pony up some $. A few of us hit some 50/50 raffles and Dave won 2 guns...
Lots of beer was drank there, and they were ready for more. So we all went to the local watering hole and hung out. Long story short.. I drove one friend home in his truck, and the other guy had a DD, so it was good, until he drank a bit too much. Not worth going into that....
Sunday, I worked... then watched the Giants win the SuperBowl.
Today was a quiet day @ work. I was looking forward to it since I didn't get to talk much to a friend of mine over the weekend. Between emails and the occasional call that's all I am able to do right now. I think I enjoy that more than anything right now. She's a special person for sure.
I got quite the surprise @ lunch today when I came back from lunch to find mail on my chair. An envelope that was clearly from this same person... :)
I got an early Valentine's Day card.. How cool is that??? Made me smile and I'm sure I had a dumb grin on my face all afternoon. Our receptionsit was enjoying teasing me about it, as she was very adement about me shoing it to her. She was very tempted to open it herself. But she didn't.
Wasn't anything dramatic, or sappy, or too personal, but it was perfect for the situation. Made me feel like someone out there cares and is thinking of me. Just as I do of them.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
"Don't Drive Angry...."
Happy Ground Hog's Day!
Since I don't live far from where Punxatauny Phill lives and "sees his shadow", I figured I'd post about the day.... kinda.
I'm a big fan of the MOVIE "Groundhog Day" ( hence my post title today...), not only because it's a funny movie, and you get to see parts of both Pittsburgh and Phill's hometown, but more importantly the whole underlying theme behind the film. If we were forced to re-live one day over and over and over again to learn life's lesson, how long would it take for you?
I can't imagine the nightmare of having to do that on one end, but I can see having a blast screwing with the people around me since I'd know what is going to happen... But is that fair? Knowing what is lying before you, and knowing what someone is going to say or do takes all the fun and fear out of it. I think that life isn't about the "angles" you can find on something or someone to get what you want. It's not about "YOU" it's about the bigger picture.
Finding that meaning in our own lives that we always seem to miss on what seems as days that repeat themselves, but the days on the calendar change and the characters continually are different. We all might not live the same day over, but we CAN find ourselves in a rut and find that rut harder and harder to get out of. Not becuase we're boring or lazy, but life gets in the mix and certain things take priority over others. For those of you that work a "regular" job, it's your daily routine of : Get... go to work.... eat .... work.... go home...
Others that do that, PLUS have a family, you add in getting the kids to school up, dressed, fed, and to the bus, or drive to school.. then work... then reverse the process all over again... get the kiddies home, fed, spend time with them playing, helping with homework, get them ready for the night and in bed...
By that time... where's the "me time" for you and your significant other, or just yourself if your're a single parent??
Rutts are hard to see at first, harder to get out of, and impossible to avoid, but we can make the most of it and do what we can to help each other keep fresh and happy.
Wow... I just reread all that... not sure where that came from. Maybe it's my work getting to me already...
Since I don't live far from where Punxatauny Phill lives and "sees his shadow", I figured I'd post about the day.... kinda.
I'm a big fan of the MOVIE "Groundhog Day" ( hence my post title today...), not only because it's a funny movie, and you get to see parts of both Pittsburgh and Phill's hometown, but more importantly the whole underlying theme behind the film. If we were forced to re-live one day over and over and over again to learn life's lesson, how long would it take for you?
I can't imagine the nightmare of having to do that on one end, but I can see having a blast screwing with the people around me since I'd know what is going to happen... But is that fair? Knowing what is lying before you, and knowing what someone is going to say or do takes all the fun and fear out of it. I think that life isn't about the "angles" you can find on something or someone to get what you want. It's not about "YOU" it's about the bigger picture.
Finding that meaning in our own lives that we always seem to miss on what seems as days that repeat themselves, but the days on the calendar change and the characters continually are different. We all might not live the same day over, but we CAN find ourselves in a rut and find that rut harder and harder to get out of. Not becuase we're boring or lazy, but life gets in the mix and certain things take priority over others. For those of you that work a "regular" job, it's your daily routine of : Get... go to work.... eat .... work.... go home...
Others that do that, PLUS have a family, you add in getting the kids to school up, dressed, fed, and to the bus, or drive to school.. then work... then reverse the process all over again... get the kiddies home, fed, spend time with them playing, helping with homework, get them ready for the night and in bed...
By that time... where's the "me time" for you and your significant other, or just yourself if your're a single parent??
Rutts are hard to see at first, harder to get out of, and impossible to avoid, but we can make the most of it and do what we can to help each other keep fresh and happy.
Wow... I just reread all that... not sure where that came from. Maybe it's my work getting to me already...
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
More of the Little things
I find that after reading my posts I see little things that stand out. Sometimes it's a phrase, or an idea that comes out... sometimes it's just a single word.
Lately, my life seems to revolve around those little things. Some are the ones we take for granted, like everything around us that we are so close to , but never take advantage of. I made sure I DID go and enjoy that when I went up in the mountains this weekend. I always comment to friends that I want to see Europe, but how can I go there when there's sooo much of the US I've yet to see. I love travelling alone sometimes, but there are more and more times I'd like to have a companion with me.
We take for granted that in our lives as well. Companionship. We forget that the people around us won't always be there. Weather it's a parent getting older, a child growing up, or someone special that you forget why you thought they were special to begin with. So many people my age are at that point where they're questioning their place in a relationship. My friend left his wife after them being together for almost 20 years... they grew apart. The fell out of love.
There's a difference between loving someone, or caring for them, and being IN-LOVE with them. You don't stop caring about them, but you just don't feel that way, for whatever reason, anymore.
Some of it is just a phase, or a shift in the relationship. We evolve as people and when our partner in the journey doesn't come with, it creates a void. Sometimes, it's something much deeper, darker that happens. Something tragic triggers something in your mind that makes you think or realize that you want more from what your life is. A marriage, or any relationship shouldn't be about numbers and convenience. When it's more a business merger of sorts than a bond that binds your souls.... well, you know where this is going.
I don't know why my friends come to me for marital or relationship advice, but they do. I'm told I look at things differently and that I just won't say what they want to hear... I'll be honest with my thoughts.
That's all we can really ask for... trust and honesty.
Today I came to the realization that I love the little things that life brings before you. A smile, a "hello", just knowing that there is at least one person that makes your day brighter becuase they are in it, and even better when you feel like they see you in that way.
To walk in the door, and know you're there, happy to see me.
To share that quiet time, when only we know what those little looks mean.
To make you laugh, when your sad, and smile after a long hard day.
That's all I want. No promises. No games. No alterior motives.
I will not take these things for granted... ( good song by the way )
Lately, my life seems to revolve around those little things. Some are the ones we take for granted, like everything around us that we are so close to , but never take advantage of. I made sure I DID go and enjoy that when I went up in the mountains this weekend. I always comment to friends that I want to see Europe, but how can I go there when there's sooo much of the US I've yet to see. I love travelling alone sometimes, but there are more and more times I'd like to have a companion with me.
We take for granted that in our lives as well. Companionship. We forget that the people around us won't always be there. Weather it's a parent getting older, a child growing up, or someone special that you forget why you thought they were special to begin with. So many people my age are at that point where they're questioning their place in a relationship. My friend left his wife after them being together for almost 20 years... they grew apart. The fell out of love.
There's a difference between loving someone, or caring for them, and being IN-LOVE with them. You don't stop caring about them, but you just don't feel that way, for whatever reason, anymore.
Some of it is just a phase, or a shift in the relationship. We evolve as people and when our partner in the journey doesn't come with, it creates a void. Sometimes, it's something much deeper, darker that happens. Something tragic triggers something in your mind that makes you think or realize that you want more from what your life is. A marriage, or any relationship shouldn't be about numbers and convenience. When it's more a business merger of sorts than a bond that binds your souls.... well, you know where this is going.
I don't know why my friends come to me for marital or relationship advice, but they do. I'm told I look at things differently and that I just won't say what they want to hear... I'll be honest with my thoughts.
That's all we can really ask for... trust and honesty.
Today I came to the realization that I love the little things that life brings before you. A smile, a "hello", just knowing that there is at least one person that makes your day brighter becuase they are in it, and even better when you feel like they see you in that way.
To walk in the door, and know you're there, happy to see me.
To share that quiet time, when only we know what those little looks mean.
To make you laugh, when your sad, and smile after a long hard day.
That's all I want. No promises. No games. No alterior motives.
I will not take these things for granted... ( good song by the way )
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Quiet Sunday with snow..
I am going to be very bsuy with work the next few weeks, so I took advantage of today's snow and the fact I wasn't in the office today and took a drive up to Ohiophyle State Park and did some walking around and enjoying the scenery. It was very quiet up there and almost no one around, except a few nuts in Cayaks.... brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
So, here's a couple pics to share for now. One is the main rapids there.... another is just one on the trail, and the last one is taken from an old railroad bridge. PA has taken alot of the old railroad lines and turned them into great biking and walking trails. Ohiophyle turned the old rail station into a tourist center and jump point to hop on.
So, here's a couple pics to share for now. One is the main rapids there.... another is just one on the trail, and the last one is taken from an old railroad bridge. PA has taken alot of the old railroad lines and turned them into great biking and walking trails. Ohiophyle turned the old rail station into a tourist center and jump point to hop on.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Something Missing?
So, I'm here typing @ 9 AM on a COLD gray Saturday morning. My thoughts stray from various 'regular' things to that of what-ifs, shouldahs, and just a big "sigh".....
Things have been going VERY well for me overall in the past 3 weeks and maybe my New Year's resolution to myself of living each day the best I can and not look back is actually working.
Work is a bit stressful becuase the struggle between manpower/hours in the day are losing to the job schedules, BUT we're doing the best we can and we'll get thru it.
Life is actually going pretty well too. Tonight is my local region's SCCA banquet and that should be good to see everyone again and start planning for the 2008 season. I'm hopeing for a much better result this coming year.
My personal life is a bit complicated, but I wouldn't trade it right now for anything. Long story, but maybe sometime soon I'll be able to explain better.
I guess really that the ONLY thing that has been kinda missing from my life is me not playing anymore. It's not because I don't want to, but more that I just can't find the TIME to committ to it as I would want to, so I do it right... and that since I no longer have trucks here, I can't get them from place to place.
I miss the creative part of getting together with people and doing that... making something new. I really miss playing out and watching people react to what we play.
Maybe one day I'll get back in the rehearsal room, or studio and get back to playing... there's time.
Things have been going VERY well for me overall in the past 3 weeks and maybe my New Year's resolution to myself of living each day the best I can and not look back is actually working.
Work is a bit stressful becuase the struggle between manpower/hours in the day are losing to the job schedules, BUT we're doing the best we can and we'll get thru it.
Life is actually going pretty well too. Tonight is my local region's SCCA banquet and that should be good to see everyone again and start planning for the 2008 season. I'm hopeing for a much better result this coming year.
My personal life is a bit complicated, but I wouldn't trade it right now for anything. Long story, but maybe sometime soon I'll be able to explain better.
I guess really that the ONLY thing that has been kinda missing from my life is me not playing anymore. It's not because I don't want to, but more that I just can't find the TIME to committ to it as I would want to, so I do it right... and that since I no longer have trucks here, I can't get them from place to place.
I miss the creative part of getting together with people and doing that... making something new. I really miss playing out and watching people react to what we play.
Maybe one day I'll get back in the rehearsal room, or studio and get back to playing... there's time.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
"Quantum of Solace"
That's the title of the new James Bond film, due later this year. At first I thought "Wow, that is a STUPID title..." But then I saw this quote from Daniel Craig who plays bond for the 2nd time in this film...
Craig said Fleming defined a quantum of solace — it means, roughly, a measure of comfort — as "that spark of niceness in a relationship that if you don't have, you might as well give up."
( taken from a yahoo.com news article )
I thought that was quite profound. Seeing as that is something that I've always strived for in mine, I took great notice of that description. It fits my newfound outlook on life, love, and a general state of being... comfort is key.. without it, not much else is going to work.
I'm still working on my own level of this... but I have help.
Craig said Fleming defined a quantum of solace — it means, roughly, a measure of comfort — as "that spark of niceness in a relationship that if you don't have, you might as well give up."
( taken from a yahoo.com news article )
I thought that was quite profound. Seeing as that is something that I've always strived for in mine, I took great notice of that description. It fits my newfound outlook on life, love, and a general state of being... comfort is key.. without it, not much else is going to work.
I'm still working on my own level of this... but I have help.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Just a quick thought or two
Howdy folks,
I am sitting around getting ready to go over John's house to hang out with him and Todd for a while. I get to see Brayden, Wendy and BS and relax for a while. Ahh, the simple things in life. I'm all about those things these days.
I commented to my travel companion today that I'm living life "one day at a time" these days. It's all I CAN do, and that has finally sunk in. Not planning for the long term future, or not WORRYING about that future eases so much potential stress that I don't need... Well, NONE of us really need that, right?
I like being able to "plan" for possible things, even if I can't SEE those things. I did something today... I planned a trip to somewhere I've never been, know nothing about the area, and have no reason to go there among my "usual suspects" ( cars, music ). I might never go on that trip, but I planned it out. When we leave, where we'll stop, what we'll do... when we'll be back.
Anyone that knows me will say that it's not like me to do that, but I think it IS me, but just not had the spark to ignite it and help me embrace that part of me.
I had a fantastic day today, even if work was a bit testing and rough. I had distractions that helped me focus and keep sharp. I went in circles all day trying to get stuff done, but I kept not getting where I wanted to be.
So, now the next two or four days ( depending on what plays out ) I'm going to be a bit bummed, not in a bad mood, but just a bit less chipper than the past week. I look forward to next week for things to get back on track and see how things go.
Ok, well I better go before my head gets in the way and say silly things.
I am sitting around getting ready to go over John's house to hang out with him and Todd for a while. I get to see Brayden, Wendy and BS and relax for a while. Ahh, the simple things in life. I'm all about those things these days.
I commented to my travel companion today that I'm living life "one day at a time" these days. It's all I CAN do, and that has finally sunk in. Not planning for the long term future, or not WORRYING about that future eases so much potential stress that I don't need... Well, NONE of us really need that, right?
I like being able to "plan" for possible things, even if I can't SEE those things. I did something today... I planned a trip to somewhere I've never been, know nothing about the area, and have no reason to go there among my "usual suspects" ( cars, music ). I might never go on that trip, but I planned it out. When we leave, where we'll stop, what we'll do... when we'll be back.
Anyone that knows me will say that it's not like me to do that, but I think it IS me, but just not had the spark to ignite it and help me embrace that part of me.
I had a fantastic day today, even if work was a bit testing and rough. I had distractions that helped me focus and keep sharp. I went in circles all day trying to get stuff done, but I kept not getting where I wanted to be.
So, now the next two or four days ( depending on what plays out ) I'm going to be a bit bummed, not in a bad mood, but just a bit less chipper than the past week. I look forward to next week for things to get back on track and see how things go.
Ok, well I better go before my head gets in the way and say silly things.
Monday, January 21, 2008
back to work
Well, today was the 1st day back to work. Yes, I didn't have last week off, but I felt like I crammed a week's worth of activity into 2 days.
I was NOT at all in the mood for work today, only because I was tired... the upside was that I got to talk to my travel companion again and that felt good. That sounds a bit dumb maybe, since you're saying "Wait, you WERE travelling, and you didn't have your companion with you?" No... and that was the 1 thing missing. Kinda hard to explain.
So, now it's back to the bloggin basics and also back to my "work mode" mindset. I need to buckle down the next week and get focused back on work. We've got alot of stuff going on there and I feel like I'm missing things...
I've got sooo much on my mind, that not much else gets in...
I was NOT at all in the mood for work today, only because I was tired... the upside was that I got to talk to my travel companion again and that felt good. That sounds a bit dumb maybe, since you're saying "Wait, you WERE travelling, and you didn't have your companion with you?" No... and that was the 1 thing missing. Kinda hard to explain.
So, now it's back to the bloggin basics and also back to my "work mode" mindset. I need to buckle down the next week and get focused back on work. We've got alot of stuff going on there and I feel like I'm missing things...
I've got sooo much on my mind, that not much else gets in...
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Final Autoshow thoughts
OK, I've had time to think about the rest of the show, as well as get a bite to eat since I've returned home...
The European carmakers were there in full force, except for Porsche, who wasn't there at all. Rumor has it, that BMW bought their space out to make extra room for all their product. Speaking of which... BMW had ALOT of product. The M cars were there, inlcuding my 1st look at the new M3 Sedan. Very sharp, but I I still prefer the coupe. The new 1 series was there, and since some greedy time-stealing jerk took his time to try out every little thing on the car, I gave up on trying to have a seat in it. What I did see, I really liked.
MINI was there with the new Clubman, a stretched mini with little rear suicide doors on it and a different hatch opening. They did a great job connecting with the crowd. With a very small area to work with, they managed to keep the product the center and had a DJ spinning tunes to keep people coming to check it out.
Last night, we went to the hotel bar and hung out for a while. It didn't take long to run up a nice bar bill, and make new friends, including crossing off my list getting to sit and talk to one of those lovely car models... it was all in good fun and I still went back to the hotel alone ( Well, Ed was there, but you know what I mean... ).
I'm exhuasted both mentally and physically.... I need to do laundry... I need to eat...
The European carmakers were there in full force, except for Porsche, who wasn't there at all. Rumor has it, that BMW bought their space out to make extra room for all their product. Speaking of which... BMW had ALOT of product. The M cars were there, inlcuding my 1st look at the new M3 Sedan. Very sharp, but I I still prefer the coupe. The new 1 series was there, and since some greedy time-stealing jerk took his time to try out every little thing on the car, I gave up on trying to have a seat in it. What I did see, I really liked.
MINI was there with the new Clubman, a stretched mini with little rear suicide doors on it and a different hatch opening. They did a great job connecting with the crowd. With a very small area to work with, they managed to keep the product the center and had a DJ spinning tunes to keep people coming to check it out.
Last night, we went to the hotel bar and hung out for a while. It didn't take long to run up a nice bar bill, and make new friends, including crossing off my list getting to sit and talk to one of those lovely car models... it was all in good fun and I still went back to the hotel alone ( Well, Ed was there, but you know what I mean... ).
I'm exhuasted both mentally and physically.... I need to do laundry... I need to eat...
Saturday, January 19, 2008
More of the Auto show
Well, I went back and reviewed the pictures I took to this point and there is alot of GOOD products out there. Between cars, trucks, SUVs, minivans, sports cars, and all the new "micro cars" , not to mention all the alternative fueled vehicles either OUT or coming soon, there's something for everone out there.
I'm not car journalist, nor am I the "expert" when it comes to all things cars, but I can give my opinions based on my experience in and around the car biz.
GM has some super exciting cars and trucks either newly on the market, or on it's way in the next few months. They are normally late to the party on some trends and never seem to quite committ to an idea that they concieve, but they're coming closer to the mark each year and I think they've NAILED it with the new Malibu. Tons of style, good option content and a great pricepoint for the car. What's missing is an optional NAV system in the tradional sense. yes, they have the OnStar turn by turn nav.. but it's not the same.
Ford and Dodge both rolled out their new full size trucks. Both off great distinctive styling that reflects the brands family theme. The new 3/4 size Dodge Dakota falls short on stylign yet again.
The imports have alot of new cars and trucks out there as well. Nissan and the GT-R, many new Subarus on market, Toyota has refreshened some products as well as the new Tundra. Honda has a new Pilot coming out this fall and shown a "prototype" of the new SUV.
There was ALOT of buzz around the MINI display. New for this coming year is the Clubman, a stretched mini with suicide doors like a pickup to get in and out easier.
Ok, well that's enough for now. I've been doing ALOT of typing today between writing emails, blogging, and some more personal thoughts for a friend of mine. I started writing and next thing I new... I had ALOT of stuff down. Hope it comes across right.
I'm not car journalist, nor am I the "expert" when it comes to all things cars, but I can give my opinions based on my experience in and around the car biz.
GM has some super exciting cars and trucks either newly on the market, or on it's way in the next few months. They are normally late to the party on some trends and never seem to quite committ to an idea that they concieve, but they're coming closer to the mark each year and I think they've NAILED it with the new Malibu. Tons of style, good option content and a great pricepoint for the car. What's missing is an optional NAV system in the tradional sense. yes, they have the OnStar turn by turn nav.. but it's not the same.
Ford and Dodge both rolled out their new full size trucks. Both off great distinctive styling that reflects the brands family theme. The new 3/4 size Dodge Dakota falls short on stylign yet again.
The imports have alot of new cars and trucks out there as well. Nissan and the GT-R, many new Subarus on market, Toyota has refreshened some products as well as the new Tundra. Honda has a new Pilot coming out this fall and shown a "prototype" of the new SUV.
There was ALOT of buzz around the MINI display. New for this coming year is the Clubman, a stretched mini with suicide doors like a pickup to get in and out easier.
Ok, well that's enough for now. I've been doing ALOT of typing today between writing emails, blogging, and some more personal thoughts for a friend of mine. I started writing and next thing I new... I had ALOT of stuff down. Hope it comes across right.
Auto Show Update
Hey guys,
Well, I had a great time with my buddy, Ed today at the auto show. SOOO many people were there by the time we left, that I knew we left at the right time.
TONS of beautiful models there ( both with wheels and legs ;) ) .. sorry, but I AM a guy afterall... and soo hard to pick ONE car that stood out.. BUT, I will .
Well, I had a great time with my buddy, Ed today at the auto show. SOOO many people were there by the time we left, that I knew we left at the right time.
TONS of beautiful models there ( both with wheels and legs ;) ) .. sorry, but I AM a guy afterall... and soo hard to pick ONE car that stood out.. BUT, I will .
1st up, is the Pratt & Miller C6RS, this one being a 1-off built for Jay Leno that runs on E85. There is alot of carbon fiber and lightweight stuff in there. VERY badd-A$$ looking car adn I want one. I just need to find a wealthy car loving woman that will buy me one in exchange for me being a kept man :)
Below that...
THe 2009 Corvette ZR-1
THe 2009 Corvette ZR-1
The above pic isn't the greatest one, but it's the best I could do. I promised my absent travelling companion that I'd take a pic or two with ME in it, so I did. Ironically, I hate having my pic taken, but for some reason I don't mind for this... :)
Also, tere as the new Nisson GT-R and the Subaru STI... both listed below... ( as long as I can figure out how to MOVE the images on this new laptop. If not, you'll just have to wait for them to look better when I get home.
Ok, well I hope everyone is well, and drop me a line on here once and a while. No one posts comments anymore :(
I'll be home later tomorrow, hopefully to watch Green Bay kick NY's butt...
Ok, this will be a quick upadte... above is a very welcome sight for me last night... A nice comfy bed... I think that was the best bed I've slept in in a long time.... Sooo comfy, nice and warm....
The 2nd pic is from the view inside looking out into Windsor, Canada from one of the lobbies... It's snowing or sleeting or something out there... BRRRRRR veru cold here today.
It's a little after 8 AM here and while my buddy's resting and getting cleaned up, I'm here typing. Thinking of what I want to show you today and how it would be if you were here to share it.
But, this will have to do, right?
Detriot Rock City....
I hate that song but it's fitting for where I am... it's almost 1AM right now and I just got to Detriot for the North American International Auto Show.
This is my 2nd trip here and I can't wait. I've stated in my other posts what I am looking forward to seeing, so I won't go thru that again.
Who would've thought I could spend so little time away from something and miss it so much. I'm not even sure how that's possible I guess. I killed my cell phone battery today talking... I knew it was getting low, but I was soo distracted I forgot to remind you and myself about it.
So, now I've promised to take a ton of pictures this weekend so I can give a "virtual" tour of the trip. I will do that only because I really wish that this wasn't just ME doing this. That I had my "travel companion" would've been a great thing, but it wasn't to be... at least not this trip.
I have alot of writing, typing, etc to do between now and this coming Monday......Sooo much to say, and soo little ideas of how to get it across....
Sleep tight and keep those happy thoughts :)
This is my 2nd trip here and I can't wait. I've stated in my other posts what I am looking forward to seeing, so I won't go thru that again.
Who would've thought I could spend so little time away from something and miss it so much. I'm not even sure how that's possible I guess. I killed my cell phone battery today talking... I knew it was getting low, but I was soo distracted I forgot to remind you and myself about it.
So, now I've promised to take a ton of pictures this weekend so I can give a "virtual" tour of the trip. I will do that only because I really wish that this wasn't just ME doing this. That I had my "travel companion" would've been a great thing, but it wasn't to be... at least not this trip.
I have alot of writing, typing, etc to do between now and this coming Monday......Sooo much to say, and soo little ideas of how to get it across....
Sleep tight and keep those happy thoughts :)
Thursday, January 17, 2008
So many thoughts, I could explode... or is it implode..
So here I sit, alone, and yet I'm NOT really alone. I type to people I've never met, and yet some are friends, and others are special to me in so many ways. I find that each passing day that goes by lately, I spend my time waiting for emails, phone calls and little msgs to say "I'm here, and I'm thinking of you..." How can something be so simple and yet quite complicated?
I don't know the answer to that. I KNOW that I've gotten very good at streamlining my life and getting rid of the drama, stress and otherwise "baggage" kind of things that always seemed to trap me into more pain than you can shake a stick at.
A friend of mine shared a great little poem with me today and it made me smile so hard I think I broke something. It lasted for over an hour and everytime I think about it, I feel like there's hope.
Hope... it's a dangerous thing. It can give you such great joy when it comes to fruition, or it can destroy you when your hopes and dreams are crushed. But, I finally reached the point where I feel like I can actually HOPE for the future. I know the chances of certain things we look for to happen are severley slim and in all likelyhood I can only hope to come out on the other end with some sanity and other vital things in tact.
I can't see that far into the future, so I don't know what lies ahead for me. For the 1st time in a long time ( probably longer than I can remember ) I am not afraid of the future, or what could or couldn't happen. Our time is short and to live in fear ( unless it's a gun -toting nutcase with your name on a bullet ) is assinine.
More to come.
I don't know the answer to that. I KNOW that I've gotten very good at streamlining my life and getting rid of the drama, stress and otherwise "baggage" kind of things that always seemed to trap me into more pain than you can shake a stick at.
A friend of mine shared a great little poem with me today and it made me smile so hard I think I broke something. It lasted for over an hour and everytime I think about it, I feel like there's hope.
Hope... it's a dangerous thing. It can give you such great joy when it comes to fruition, or it can destroy you when your hopes and dreams are crushed. But, I finally reached the point where I feel like I can actually HOPE for the future. I know the chances of certain things we look for to happen are severley slim and in all likelyhood I can only hope to come out on the other end with some sanity and other vital things in tact.
I can't see that far into the future, so I don't know what lies ahead for me. For the 1st time in a long time ( probably longer than I can remember ) I am not afraid of the future, or what could or couldn't happen. Our time is short and to live in fear ( unless it's a gun -toting nutcase with your name on a bullet ) is assinine.
More to come.
Warm up...Detriot... you better warm up.
Well, I got my stuff 90% packed for the big trip to Detriot tomorrow. Me and my buddy are heading up for the Auto show and I am looking forward to taking a ton of pics. There's supposed to be alot of great new cars coming out there, and I can't wait to see them.
1) 2009 Corvette ZR-1... the King of the Hill is back!!
2) Caddy CTS-V
I don't know what the other guys are bringing, but I hope to see some big hitters from the competition... Bullitt Mustang, Suby STI, Mitsu Evo X, Nissan GT-R...
Even the new Cobalt SS Turbo...
I'm planning on being able to get my pics and details uploaded thru the weekend, so you car guys ( and you lovely car gals as well... ) be sure to check things out and let me know if the pics are good.
I've had a FANTASTIC week, that has been chalked full of surprises both from others and myself... I didn't realize I could do some things I've been able to accomplish this week. I've been in a very good mood all week now, and it's addictive. It feels good to feel good about something.
1) 2009 Corvette ZR-1... the King of the Hill is back!!
2) Caddy CTS-V
I don't know what the other guys are bringing, but I hope to see some big hitters from the competition... Bullitt Mustang, Suby STI, Mitsu Evo X, Nissan GT-R...
Even the new Cobalt SS Turbo...
I'm planning on being able to get my pics and details uploaded thru the weekend, so you car guys ( and you lovely car gals as well... ) be sure to check things out and let me know if the pics are good.
I've had a FANTASTIC week, that has been chalked full of surprises both from others and myself... I didn't realize I could do some things I've been able to accomplish this week. I've been in a very good mood all week now, and it's addictive. It feels good to feel good about something.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Simple things
It never ceases to amaze me on how important the little things in life are. We spend the days hustling around our works, go shopping, and so forth and all just to get home for either doing nothing... or not able to sit still working until you pass out...
The simple things that make or break our days either seem hopeless or can turn anything into a good day and put a smile on your face so wide, your co-workers question if you're drunk or on something.... THAT is a day worth having...
I had that day today. 3 Days ago, I was quite beaten down mentally and didn't know what the next week had in store for me. Today something completely out of the blue and amazing happened... I got a phone call.... that's it. Just a short call from someone to say hello. It was great to hear that voice. It made me smile so much it hurt... but a good hurt. Everyone should be so lucky to have that kinda pain.
We blindly run thru our lives thinking that all that little stuff isn't really that important. We keep waiting for those things to happen, but we're too busy to notice, or just blind to the little beauties out there just waiting to be taken advantage of.
I know after reading this, some will say "Holy Bi-polar, Batman!" but we all go thru those hips and valleys right?
Here's to a good day!
The simple things that make or break our days either seem hopeless or can turn anything into a good day and put a smile on your face so wide, your co-workers question if you're drunk or on something.... THAT is a day worth having...
I had that day today. 3 Days ago, I was quite beaten down mentally and didn't know what the next week had in store for me. Today something completely out of the blue and amazing happened... I got a phone call.... that's it. Just a short call from someone to say hello. It was great to hear that voice. It made me smile so much it hurt... but a good hurt. Everyone should be so lucky to have that kinda pain.
We blindly run thru our lives thinking that all that little stuff isn't really that important. We keep waiting for those things to happen, but we're too busy to notice, or just blind to the little beauties out there just waiting to be taken advantage of.
I know after reading this, some will say "Holy Bi-polar, Batman!" but we all go thru those hips and valleys right?
Here's to a good day!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Lyrics for a Sunday...
Every now and then, I like to revisit some song lryics and post them.
It's been a while, but none have spoken to me lately... well, until this morning...
Today's selection is by the band, Porcupine Tree from their 2002 Albumn , In Absentia . The last track on the release is a very quiet, appropriate closer for the albumn that's filled with ups and downs, taking a grand journey thru Steven Wilson's songwriting.
"Collapse Light into Earth"
I won't shiver in the cold
I won't let the shadows take their toll
I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part
Collapse the light into Earth
I won't heal.... given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better, in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you, if you wanted to stay
Collapse the light into Earth
The song has many meanings ( for me at least ) interwoven into the very sparse lryics. I've taken the song's meaning as..
While I'm in terrible emotional pain and not sure how I could live without you... I won't die. It may feel like the end of the wold, but even if I never change and find that happiness, I have accepted that you can't be part of my life anymore.
It's a bleak outlook and when put with the music it really paints a sad final letter to someone.
More to come later
It's been a while, but none have spoken to me lately... well, until this morning...
Today's selection is by the band, Porcupine Tree from their 2002 Albumn , In Absentia . The last track on the release is a very quiet, appropriate closer for the albumn that's filled with ups and downs, taking a grand journey thru Steven Wilson's songwriting.
"Collapse Light into Earth"
I won't shiver in the cold
I won't let the shadows take their toll
I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part
Collapse the light into Earth
I won't heal.... given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better, in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you, if you wanted to stay
Collapse the light into Earth
The song has many meanings ( for me at least ) interwoven into the very sparse lryics. I've taken the song's meaning as..
While I'm in terrible emotional pain and not sure how I could live without you... I won't die. It may feel like the end of the wold, but even if I never change and find that happiness, I have accepted that you can't be part of my life anymore.
It's a bleak outlook and when put with the music it really paints a sad final letter to someone.
More to come later
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)