where does the time go?

Sorry it's been a while since I posted. I've had a ton of stuff going on and life takes over and rules supreme over the rest.

So... what's been going on?? I don't even know where I can start...

Work has been really pushing my limits both mentally and physically. Between long hours, tight deadlines, and training, I've not had much time to let my brain sit idle and THINK about much else. What thoughts HAVE been in there aren't ones that can be put here.
The upcoming season is almost here, and I've been spending what little time I have free to get little things done here and there. This weekend I did the brakes... New wheels and some new tires are next in line.

Things on other levels are unchanged. Things are what they are. I know that sounds cryptic, but that's about all I can put into words. In my new role of "taking things as they come, one day at a time", it makes things at the same time both complicated and simple.
Simple, in that I know what I want from things and what I DO NOT want. Simple in that I have gotten very good and letting things roll off, not let too many things get to me, and more importantly... not read too much into things that come your way. Sometimes, you blow things out of proportion, or take something the wrong way, or whatever....
Complicatied in that for whatever reason, nothing in life is ever cut and dry. Nothing happens in life that is without it's share of risk and reward. The trick is to find that balance where the risks and the rewards don't make things ugly.
If the risk is too great in your eyes, you will normally back away and play it safe. Conversely, if the reward is great, you might jump TOO quickly and get burned.

We all play these odds in our heads. Laying awake at night, running the various scenarios in our heads how things COULD go, and thinking about what we'd do if "this" happened, or if "that" happened. You can drive yourself insane with those thoughts. We psych ourselves out of doing something for fear of failure, embarrassment, rejection, etc... and we could end up missing the most important thing to happen to us in our lives.
Or it could just be another day. You could dodge that bullet and find that life goes on without that thing and you're still going to be pretty damn OK.

Life's funny that way I hear.

Sometimes we have no time to think, and we feel as if our head will explode if we don't get some thoughts out and in the open... Sometimes the thoughts, feelings, fears and such that we keep can consume and tear us apart. Sometimes they feed that monster in us that keeps us at arm's length so we don't get hurt. Sometimes... we just need to vent.

I get both... I get alot of pressure internally to keep my mouth shut and heart closed as to keep things close to me and not let people in. I make sure my time is filled with tasks and such to keep it busy and keep those thoughts at bay. Then, when I get time alone to think ( usually driving ), I find alot of stuff that I've kept compartmentalized gets garbled and makes no sense.

That's part of why I started this here.... To organize and flesh out alot of the things in my head that I've not been able to assemble. Sometimes I realize I should keep my trap shut, but I've been good at letting this become it's own animal.

I can't say what the future holds right now. Nor can I even begin to think about even where I see myself 1 yr, or more down the road. I'm just a traveller on this road right now and my maps have only points, no names on them...