Losing your grip

You always hear people say if you want something, you need to loosen your grip, or the tighter you hold on, the quicker it will slip away... I get that.
It's been a hellish 2+ weeks here. I won't lie and say that things haven't been tough, and because of my personality I make it tougher on myself. My heart and mind are at a civil war within themselves, fighting for control and the rights to the decision making processes.
It seems that no matter what I do, it only makes things worse. If I hold on and stand fast to my beliefs and what I know to be the right course of action... I lose.
If I let go and just let things happen natually, hoping that things will work themselves out... I lose. I refuse to believe that there isn't a way thru things and a solution that will work for us both, and yet I find myself doing exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do. Lose it.
Some things I still don't understand and I need to give up trying to and just accept it.
It feels dark and cold when I'm in the sun's light. I feel alone in a crowd of people. I don't interact with the world outside me, because without what I need and love... none of it is of any consequence to me.
I'm trying to let things run their course. I'm trying to let the natural process of going from someone's loved one to an old photo of someone's past. I fight it because I BELIEVE in something more than what it laying before me. I get that "well, if it's meant to be, it will work out" line and I want to die. Nothing just works itself out. It takes work, committment, struggle, frustration and patience.
If I let things go as they are now, I could lose big. Ruining any chance of things making their way back to what we both have said that we see as a possible future.
If I fight it... I WILL lose everything I want. Everything I need and love.
There's just one thing I want, need... love. And I'm helpless to make a difference.