I doubt this makes sense...

I've been having trouble keeping complete and organized thoughts lately.
I've been quite distracted by some recent events. I drove the whole way home tonight without turning on my XM radio, or listen to CD's. That never happens. I caught myself playing thru my head various scenarios of the way some things play out in life. This was a bit personal and not going to elaborate since I'm still not sure what I'm thinking... ( yes... not making sense, I know ) not sure what in the heck I could possibly accomplish by thinking, talking, typing, etc... all the ways my brain is going in.
Many of you that know me and have been reading these posts for the past year or so know that the #1 reason I did this blog was to vent, and flesh out things in my mind that otherwise would involve therapy of some sort. I can do this as I can get my thoughts organized and re-read them and make sense of it all. Quite often I don't even know what I've typed until I publish them. I've gone back and read some over and over and still don't know if anything I say gets thru to myself or to anyone else.
I've been 2nd guessing alot of my thoughts, and not trusting my gut alot lately. I know me... my instinct is usually spot on and I'm a good judge of my own stupidity and my knack for going too deep into something too quick.
The whole "follow your heart" BS doesn't wash with me. When you follow your heart, you're blind to what's around you waiting to pummel you back into reality. Your heart is like that loveable buddy you have that always is in trouble. He can get himself into trouble, but can't bail himself out. Then your brain ( the sensible, reliabel buddy ) is left there to get him home, sober and ready for rehab.
There has to be some accountability that you must hold to your hard. Make it pay for it's bad choices. It's not going to be there to help you figure out what you need to do to get back in good graces with yourself. The heart wants what the heart wants..... please... don't start...

Life isn't black and white. It's all one big shade of gray that envelopes you like a big warm blanket... but one that you must use alone.

OK... maybe that's a bit bleak... but I call it like I feel it.