Well, that whole "6 more weeks of winter..." thing is getting old. I'm ready for spring.
I'm tired of my car always being covered in Ice, Snow, and Salt...
I'm tired of having to wear 3 layers of clothes UNDER a coat.
I'm tired of everything looking dirty, dead and drab.
Hell, I'm tired of being tired.
I can't think of a time in my life when I was feelling this.... Maybe it's due to everyone saying how spring brings new hope of better days, or that it's a re-birth of everything around us. I've kinda had my own re-birth as of late, and while I can't complain one bit about the days I've had over the past month and a half, I DO look forward to better and brighter days to come.
Once the nicer weather comes, I won't be working as much ( I hope... ) since I'll have far better things to do than sit here until all hours of the evening working on things. If I don't get a full night's sleep, it won't be because I'm working too much, that's for sure.
I've said it before, I hope to get a few more states under my belt this year that I've not seen. I still want to travel abroad, but I still want to see more of the US first. I'm still working on this map folding trick I hear about... if you have point "a" and point "b" and you fold the map just right, you are supposed to be able to travel to that spot instantaneously.... saving time, gas, and greif.
I got one of those GPS units for the car.... It doesn't have that feature, but it might be on a download that I haven't found yet... I'm looking for it though!
Ok, I'm babbling... but I'm allowed to .. this is my page.
Nanner nanner nanner...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Weekend at hand
Here it is.... Another weekend us now in full swing for most of us on the "right coast" and the rest are catching up quick.
Work's been keeping my quite busy and shows no sign of letting up. My workaholic days are behind me, even if my current schedule doesn't relect it. Once the weather breaks and cars start staying clean I'll be working alot less than I am... I guess more like a "normal" person would be working.
The days all kinda bleed together for me, and maybe mentally it's starting to show. I don't really look forward to the weekends right now, and it's not because I dread them, but more to the point that I don't even realize that they are happening. We had a member of the drawing room quit and today was his last day. 4 of the 6 of us went out for "lunch" and were gone quite a long time, so it was just 2 of us holding down the fort.
Now that we're down a man, I see things getting worse before they get better. Everyone is going to feel more and more pressure to get teh job done and with less time and less manpower... well something's got to give.
Today... that thing that gave was my good mood I guess. I was doing GREAT today thanks to a great person keeping my brain entertained with various things, but for some reason I just got really ... well I don't know what the word would be.... maybe bummed or blah... and hated feeling that way. I've been doing so well, and while I know that no one stays in a great mood 24/7, I have been enjoying my days in the sunshine. The last thing I wanted to do was to let someone else take the brunt of it and make them assume that something they did was the cause... far from it.
I thought about somethings that have been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now and while some was trivial ( car stuff... ) , others were closer to my heart or soul. Things that you don't share with anyone, other than that little voice in your heart that guides you, albeit sometimes down the wrong path, and confirms what you know is true by proving it.
Now, that might not make much sense to some, and maybe to many that know me.
I've got some upcoming events that I need to start preparing for, both physically, mentally, and financially.. I'm wanting to travel some if certain things play out and that will take some planning and thought. The Autocrossing will start it's path to nationals again and I need to be ready for that, and so does the car.
Hard to believe that I'm less than 2 months from the 1st event and I've not got one thing ready on the car... I need to get some other people on board with some ideas, and also I have a new responsibility to tend to there so I have alot to get going...
My personal life.... well that is simple and yet at the same time complicated. Simple in that I know the basics of what I want and what I can and can't expect, or hope for. Complicated on the hows, ifs and whens of what can and might come to fruition. Time isn't my enemy like I thought it was and I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that for once... I don't care how long it will take, or even caring on the details...
Either it will work out in the end... or it won't. At the end of the day, I'll know that I just didn't sit on the sidelines and watch my life pass by me. I'll have lived it and I can look back and say that at least I tried and took a chance. I think we all are looking for that... someone to take a chance on us, and someone to take that same chance on.
Work's been keeping my quite busy and shows no sign of letting up. My workaholic days are behind me, even if my current schedule doesn't relect it. Once the weather breaks and cars start staying clean I'll be working alot less than I am... I guess more like a "normal" person would be working.
The days all kinda bleed together for me, and maybe mentally it's starting to show. I don't really look forward to the weekends right now, and it's not because I dread them, but more to the point that I don't even realize that they are happening. We had a member of the drawing room quit and today was his last day. 4 of the 6 of us went out for "lunch" and were gone quite a long time, so it was just 2 of us holding down the fort.
Now that we're down a man, I see things getting worse before they get better. Everyone is going to feel more and more pressure to get teh job done and with less time and less manpower... well something's got to give.
Today... that thing that gave was my good mood I guess. I was doing GREAT today thanks to a great person keeping my brain entertained with various things, but for some reason I just got really ... well I don't know what the word would be.... maybe bummed or blah... and hated feeling that way. I've been doing so well, and while I know that no one stays in a great mood 24/7, I have been enjoying my days in the sunshine. The last thing I wanted to do was to let someone else take the brunt of it and make them assume that something they did was the cause... far from it.
I thought about somethings that have been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now and while some was trivial ( car stuff... ) , others were closer to my heart or soul. Things that you don't share with anyone, other than that little voice in your heart that guides you, albeit sometimes down the wrong path, and confirms what you know is true by proving it.
Now, that might not make much sense to some, and maybe to many that know me.
I've got some upcoming events that I need to start preparing for, both physically, mentally, and financially.. I'm wanting to travel some if certain things play out and that will take some planning and thought. The Autocrossing will start it's path to nationals again and I need to be ready for that, and so does the car.
Hard to believe that I'm less than 2 months from the 1st event and I've not got one thing ready on the car... I need to get some other people on board with some ideas, and also I have a new responsibility to tend to there so I have alot to get going...
My personal life.... well that is simple and yet at the same time complicated. Simple in that I know the basics of what I want and what I can and can't expect, or hope for. Complicated on the hows, ifs and whens of what can and might come to fruition. Time isn't my enemy like I thought it was and I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that for once... I don't care how long it will take, or even caring on the details...
Either it will work out in the end... or it won't. At the end of the day, I'll know that I just didn't sit on the sidelines and watch my life pass by me. I'll have lived it and I can look back and say that at least I tried and took a chance. I think we all are looking for that... someone to take a chance on us, and someone to take that same chance on.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sleep, Stress and Cabin Fever
I was doing really good with getting a full night's sleep lately. I having been getting only 4 hrs of sleep, but it was a solid night's sleep. Working 15 hr days will apparently do that to you.
My work isn't the kind of physical work where I'm breaking rocks all day or something, but mentally it's pretty tough at times.
That brings the "stress" into the topic. I've had alot on my mind this past week, between work, friends, life, and the other personal stuff we all go thru. It's nothing major for the most part, but when you add it all up, it can get to be a bit much if you let it.
Work's schedule is getting pretty crazy and we're all working more hours. Deadlines need to be met, and there's not enough time in the day, or people to work to get things done. So, the workaholic I am, I've been putting alot of hours in... some think too many... and those all combine to give you the cabin fever thing...
I'm getting really itchy to get away from everything.... I would love to just become anonymous for a couple days, or a week... if I could take someone with me, that would be great, but I don't see that happening. Time will tell I guess.
Some things just make you feel bad that you can't help someone when you want to. We all have had that... someone you care about that even though they might not take your help, or there's nothing you CAN do to help, you still want to becuase you hate seeing them hurting, struggling or just want to make sure they are ok.
Us guys tend to have that "Mr. Fixit" syndrome where we feel we have to "FIX" whatever the problem is, and the fact is that we can't always do that. Either becuase we physically can't or that we just have to let things play out without our intervention. It's a rough thing to do, but we have to sometimes... Caring for someone sometimes means that you have to let go and let things happen without your input or guidence. Let them figure things out. It may not be the outcome you hope for, but if it's what is best for them, then that is what must happen.
I'm getting better at that, but it's still a work in progress...
sigh...
My work isn't the kind of physical work where I'm breaking rocks all day or something, but mentally it's pretty tough at times.
That brings the "stress" into the topic. I've had alot on my mind this past week, between work, friends, life, and the other personal stuff we all go thru. It's nothing major for the most part, but when you add it all up, it can get to be a bit much if you let it.
Work's schedule is getting pretty crazy and we're all working more hours. Deadlines need to be met, and there's not enough time in the day, or people to work to get things done. So, the workaholic I am, I've been putting alot of hours in... some think too many... and those all combine to give you the cabin fever thing...
I'm getting really itchy to get away from everything.... I would love to just become anonymous for a couple days, or a week... if I could take someone with me, that would be great, but I don't see that happening. Time will tell I guess.
Some things just make you feel bad that you can't help someone when you want to. We all have had that... someone you care about that even though they might not take your help, or there's nothing you CAN do to help, you still want to becuase you hate seeing them hurting, struggling or just want to make sure they are ok.
Us guys tend to have that "Mr. Fixit" syndrome where we feel we have to "FIX" whatever the problem is, and the fact is that we can't always do that. Either becuase we physically can't or that we just have to let things play out without our intervention. It's a rough thing to do, but we have to sometimes... Caring for someone sometimes means that you have to let go and let things happen without your input or guidence. Let them figure things out. It may not be the outcome you hope for, but if it's what is best for them, then that is what must happen.
I'm getting better at that, but it's still a work in progress...
sigh...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
V-Day Greetings...
Well,
According to "jackie" on that 70's show, this day is the holiest of days... pffft.... whatever !
Seriously, to all of you that have someone in your life, Happy Valentine's Day... For those of you that don't... Happy Thursday!
Me, I'm not sure just what I am at this point, but I'm not complaining. It's working well, whatever it is and this is the 1st time during this "holiday season" that I'm not bitchy, grumpy or otherwise saying F*$K You to everything involved with today... damn you arrow-shooting babies... :)
I look forward to getting to talk to my friend today and see how the day is there... wishing that geography was as simple as folding a map point "a" and "b" are right next to each other... that would make my day...
According to "jackie" on that 70's show, this day is the holiest of days... pffft.... whatever !
Seriously, to all of you that have someone in your life, Happy Valentine's Day... For those of you that don't... Happy Thursday!
Me, I'm not sure just what I am at this point, but I'm not complaining. It's working well, whatever it is and this is the 1st time during this "holiday season" that I'm not bitchy, grumpy or otherwise saying F*$K You to everything involved with today... damn you arrow-shooting babies... :)
I look forward to getting to talk to my friend today and see how the day is there... wishing that geography was as simple as folding a map point "a" and "b" are right next to each other... that would make my day...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Catching up
With how frequently I was posting the past 2 weeks, it feels like it's been forever since I last written anything. What's funny is, I've been writing, but not to here... so I've been writing just as much but it's been pointed in different directions.
Work has been keeping not only busy, but mentally drained. We've got a BIG project going thru the office and we're all working extra hours, but some are working more extra hours than others. Getting in the office @ 4:30 AM ( or 5AM ) and not leaving until at least 7PM each night takes its toll on the body, mind and soul. Between looming construction deadlines, Pending personell changes and just the everyday BS that we go thru here... well it really wears on a person at times.
Lots of other "personal" stuff have been going on behind the scenes. Some I can share, others I'm not ready to just yet. Nothing bad, that's for sure... :)
So here I am working and I'm way too far away from where I WANT TO be. It's that helpless feeling we all get from time to time when you want to be there for someone that means soo much to you and you can't. It sucks. They know I'm there in spirit and that my thoughts are always there and wishing things go smoothly, but you still WANT to be that shoulder to lean on, or that person to make sure they're getting plenty of rest, plenty to eat, drink... keep them comfortable...
I've had all kinds of thoughts in my head that I've either wanted to get out, express or just bounce off my own sounding board ( not that I enjoy hearing myself talk ... ) and see what really comes out. We always have these thoughts and feelings that we're not quite sure just what they all mean. Are they just "heat of the moment" kind of feelings that change quickly once you step away from the situation for a while? Are they just manifestations of our own fears, or desires? The ones that are constantly pushing and pulling at us to either say something, or keep them close to our chests. THOSE are the ones that always get us in trouble.
We say things we think we feel, right or wrong, and we get in way over our heads. Our hearts tell us that we NEED to say these things, or think these things. Sometimes.... we DO... others, things are best left for another time.
I'm still a firm believer in NOT living by the whole "some things are better left unsaid" thing. It's not true.
If you want to tell someone something... you should. Just pick the right time.
Not sure where that all came from, but I was speaking my mind...
Work has been keeping not only busy, but mentally drained. We've got a BIG project going thru the office and we're all working extra hours, but some are working more extra hours than others. Getting in the office @ 4:30 AM ( or 5AM ) and not leaving until at least 7PM each night takes its toll on the body, mind and soul. Between looming construction deadlines, Pending personell changes and just the everyday BS that we go thru here... well it really wears on a person at times.
Lots of other "personal" stuff have been going on behind the scenes. Some I can share, others I'm not ready to just yet. Nothing bad, that's for sure... :)
So here I am working and I'm way too far away from where I WANT TO be. It's that helpless feeling we all get from time to time when you want to be there for someone that means soo much to you and you can't. It sucks. They know I'm there in spirit and that my thoughts are always there and wishing things go smoothly, but you still WANT to be that shoulder to lean on, or that person to make sure they're getting plenty of rest, plenty to eat, drink... keep them comfortable...
I've had all kinds of thoughts in my head that I've either wanted to get out, express or just bounce off my own sounding board ( not that I enjoy hearing myself talk ... ) and see what really comes out. We always have these thoughts and feelings that we're not quite sure just what they all mean. Are they just "heat of the moment" kind of feelings that change quickly once you step away from the situation for a while? Are they just manifestations of our own fears, or desires? The ones that are constantly pushing and pulling at us to either say something, or keep them close to our chests. THOSE are the ones that always get us in trouble.
We say things we think we feel, right or wrong, and we get in way over our heads. Our hearts tell us that we NEED to say these things, or think these things. Sometimes.... we DO... others, things are best left for another time.
I'm still a firm believer in NOT living by the whole "some things are better left unsaid" thing. It's not true.
If you want to tell someone something... you should. Just pick the right time.
Not sure where that all came from, but I was speaking my mind...
Monday, February 4, 2008
Monday thoughts in a nutshell
Ok, so this was a very wild weekend in the end...
Friday started out boring, as I worked until 8PM again and by the time I got home... I was ready for sleep.
I slept late Saturday since I wasn't working and was ready for a day out with the guys. We all went to a Gun bash... basically.. you pay $20 and you eat and drink all you want, and every 15 minutes, they give away a gun or $$. PLUS all the raffles and such... it's all for a good cause, the local volunteer firemen, so we always go adn pony up some $. A few of us hit some 50/50 raffles and Dave won 2 guns...
Lots of beer was drank there, and they were ready for more. So we all went to the local watering hole and hung out. Long story short.. I drove one friend home in his truck, and the other guy had a DD, so it was good, until he drank a bit too much. Not worth going into that....
Sunday, I worked... then watched the Giants win the SuperBowl.
Today was a quiet day @ work. I was looking forward to it since I didn't get to talk much to a friend of mine over the weekend. Between emails and the occasional call that's all I am able to do right now. I think I enjoy that more than anything right now. She's a special person for sure.
I got quite the surprise @ lunch today when I came back from lunch to find mail on my chair. An envelope that was clearly from this same person... :)
I got an early Valentine's Day card.. How cool is that??? Made me smile and I'm sure I had a dumb grin on my face all afternoon. Our receptionsit was enjoying teasing me about it, as she was very adement about me shoing it to her. She was very tempted to open it herself. But she didn't.
Wasn't anything dramatic, or sappy, or too personal, but it was perfect for the situation. Made me feel like someone out there cares and is thinking of me. Just as I do of them.
Friday started out boring, as I worked until 8PM again and by the time I got home... I was ready for sleep.
I slept late Saturday since I wasn't working and was ready for a day out with the guys. We all went to a Gun bash... basically.. you pay $20 and you eat and drink all you want, and every 15 minutes, they give away a gun or $$. PLUS all the raffles and such... it's all for a good cause, the local volunteer firemen, so we always go adn pony up some $. A few of us hit some 50/50 raffles and Dave won 2 guns...
Lots of beer was drank there, and they were ready for more. So we all went to the local watering hole and hung out. Long story short.. I drove one friend home in his truck, and the other guy had a DD, so it was good, until he drank a bit too much. Not worth going into that....
Sunday, I worked... then watched the Giants win the SuperBowl.
Today was a quiet day @ work. I was looking forward to it since I didn't get to talk much to a friend of mine over the weekend. Between emails and the occasional call that's all I am able to do right now. I think I enjoy that more than anything right now. She's a special person for sure.
I got quite the surprise @ lunch today when I came back from lunch to find mail on my chair. An envelope that was clearly from this same person... :)
I got an early Valentine's Day card.. How cool is that??? Made me smile and I'm sure I had a dumb grin on my face all afternoon. Our receptionsit was enjoying teasing me about it, as she was very adement about me shoing it to her. She was very tempted to open it herself. But she didn't.
Wasn't anything dramatic, or sappy, or too personal, but it was perfect for the situation. Made me feel like someone out there cares and is thinking of me. Just as I do of them.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
"Don't Drive Angry...."
Happy Ground Hog's Day!
Since I don't live far from where Punxatauny Phill lives and "sees his shadow", I figured I'd post about the day.... kinda.
I'm a big fan of the MOVIE "Groundhog Day" ( hence my post title today...), not only because it's a funny movie, and you get to see parts of both Pittsburgh and Phill's hometown, but more importantly the whole underlying theme behind the film. If we were forced to re-live one day over and over and over again to learn life's lesson, how long would it take for you?
I can't imagine the nightmare of having to do that on one end, but I can see having a blast screwing with the people around me since I'd know what is going to happen... But is that fair? Knowing what is lying before you, and knowing what someone is going to say or do takes all the fun and fear out of it. I think that life isn't about the "angles" you can find on something or someone to get what you want. It's not about "YOU" it's about the bigger picture.
Finding that meaning in our own lives that we always seem to miss on what seems as days that repeat themselves, but the days on the calendar change and the characters continually are different. We all might not live the same day over, but we CAN find ourselves in a rut and find that rut harder and harder to get out of. Not becuase we're boring or lazy, but life gets in the mix and certain things take priority over others. For those of you that work a "regular" job, it's your daily routine of : Get... go to work.... eat .... work.... go home...
Others that do that, PLUS have a family, you add in getting the kids to school up, dressed, fed, and to the bus, or drive to school.. then work... then reverse the process all over again... get the kiddies home, fed, spend time with them playing, helping with homework, get them ready for the night and in bed...
By that time... where's the "me time" for you and your significant other, or just yourself if your're a single parent??
Rutts are hard to see at first, harder to get out of, and impossible to avoid, but we can make the most of it and do what we can to help each other keep fresh and happy.
Wow... I just reread all that... not sure where that came from. Maybe it's my work getting to me already...
Since I don't live far from where Punxatauny Phill lives and "sees his shadow", I figured I'd post about the day.... kinda.
I'm a big fan of the MOVIE "Groundhog Day" ( hence my post title today...), not only because it's a funny movie, and you get to see parts of both Pittsburgh and Phill's hometown, but more importantly the whole underlying theme behind the film. If we were forced to re-live one day over and over and over again to learn life's lesson, how long would it take for you?
I can't imagine the nightmare of having to do that on one end, but I can see having a blast screwing with the people around me since I'd know what is going to happen... But is that fair? Knowing what is lying before you, and knowing what someone is going to say or do takes all the fun and fear out of it. I think that life isn't about the "angles" you can find on something or someone to get what you want. It's not about "YOU" it's about the bigger picture.
Finding that meaning in our own lives that we always seem to miss on what seems as days that repeat themselves, but the days on the calendar change and the characters continually are different. We all might not live the same day over, but we CAN find ourselves in a rut and find that rut harder and harder to get out of. Not becuase we're boring or lazy, but life gets in the mix and certain things take priority over others. For those of you that work a "regular" job, it's your daily routine of : Get... go to work.... eat .... work.... go home...
Others that do that, PLUS have a family, you add in getting the kids to school up, dressed, fed, and to the bus, or drive to school.. then work... then reverse the process all over again... get the kiddies home, fed, spend time with them playing, helping with homework, get them ready for the night and in bed...
By that time... where's the "me time" for you and your significant other, or just yourself if your're a single parent??
Rutts are hard to see at first, harder to get out of, and impossible to avoid, but we can make the most of it and do what we can to help each other keep fresh and happy.
Wow... I just reread all that... not sure where that came from. Maybe it's my work getting to me already...
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