This is the final blog entry here. It's run it's course and it's time to close this chapter of my life out. This weekend proved to be exactly what I feared, but wouldn't admit to myself that was a likely outcome. There was pretty much only one person even following things here, and that has come and gone.
Thanks for listening over the past 3 1/2 years or so.
In time these posts will be removed but for now I'm just walking away.
May the paths you all chose in this life be worth the journey.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Upcoming weekend
So, it's a cold and snowy week here in the northeast, and while the fun cars are pretty much tucked away for the winter, we still have things to talk about.
1) All the activity in Daytona means 1 thing... racing is back again! Between the Motorcycles, NASCAR's various events and the 24 Hours of Daytona, there's just about any kind of racing for someone to enjoy. This weekend is the 24hr race, and to ME, that means it won't be long until we all get to go back outside and play.
2) This is 2010, but the local region's end-of-season awards banquet is coming up this weekend. Kim is coming into town to join me in the festivities. This is the 1st time I'm attending where I'm actually going to be recieving something. I won a tropy for my class this year. I even came very close to being in the top 10 in the points chase ( ended up in 13th ).
This is all very alien to me. I'm not one that really has ever pushed to be good at anything outside of work. I've tried to NOT marginalize my efforts and enjoy what few accolades or 'atta-boys' that I've gotten this past year. To me,a win isn't a win just because you took 1st. If you take 1st and there's little or NO competition to run against, there's not much to say "yay me" about. Now, I'm not saying I didn't work my butt off to get there, but I also didn't have the top guys or anyone really serious come play in my sandbox on a regular basis.
We have 10 events in the year, and you only need 6 of them to qualify your points. Out of those 10 events I did 7 and of those 7 I think I only 'won' three times. The other 5 events I had people co-driving my car or I ran alone. On those ones where I had a co-driver, I was beat in my own car each time.
It's hard for me to accept anything that I really didn't 'win'. People have been saying "It's not YOUR fault that no one ran in your class, so take the win and enjoy it". Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not like that.
So.. in a few months a new season will start and I WILL have someone to run against, as one of our really good drivers has bought himself a Z06 as well and we'll see just what I can do with that.
Back to the weekend. As I said, Kim will be in town. This is her 1st visit here since October and I'm hoping that it will end better than the last time. I got very spoiled earlier in the month since we got 1 whole week together, and then 4 days later had a weekend together. Now it's been 2 weeks and it feels like forever. Yeah, I know that's kinda sappy and all that, but it's true. I have NO problem admitting that. I miss her. I can tell that there's some strain on her end with the distance still being there, and I understand it. I wish I knew a quick and easy fix for it, but right now we're just trying to get thru each period and deal with things as they come up.
Staying the course is never easy. Standing firm to what you want and need even if it means that things get tough now and then is harder. Giving in to the quick and easy solutions aren't hard even if you know that you want more for yourself. We all get tempted by that, but it's the faith that we all have within to be there each day and stick it out is what proves our feelings, our committment and our love to someone. It would be easy to write things off and say "That's enough, I'll just find someone closer", someone that might be more convenient or easy, but it woudln't be the same. It wouldn't be "the one" I want and that grass isn't ever any greener it's just grass from a different yard.
Long distances suck. They test your inner strength, your will power and your faith in someone else. It takes ALOT of trust to love someone from 500 miles away. Trust that they are being true, trust that they mean what they say and that they aren't just using you. When you are with someone that shares your same area code, it's easy to keep those things in check. When you aren't.... it's all about trust.
I trust Kim with my life. My Heart. My Soul. Never before have I had that ability, or the opportunity to be that way with someone.
Life is uncertain ( I've said that before for those of you keeping track on the scorecards ) and maybe tomorrow something will happen that will change everything. Maybe 5 years from now, things will be the same. We just have no idea, and the more we try to control, sway, or bury our head in the sand about that fact, the worse off we all are. I don't know where 'we' will be a month from now, or a year, or 5 years. I CAN tell you where I want to be... and that should be pretty obvious by now.
1) All the activity in Daytona means 1 thing... racing is back again! Between the Motorcycles, NASCAR's various events and the 24 Hours of Daytona, there's just about any kind of racing for someone to enjoy. This weekend is the 24hr race, and to ME, that means it won't be long until we all get to go back outside and play.
2) This is 2010, but the local region's end-of-season awards banquet is coming up this weekend. Kim is coming into town to join me in the festivities. This is the 1st time I'm attending where I'm actually going to be recieving something. I won a tropy for my class this year. I even came very close to being in the top 10 in the points chase ( ended up in 13th ).
This is all very alien to me. I'm not one that really has ever pushed to be good at anything outside of work. I've tried to NOT marginalize my efforts and enjoy what few accolades or 'atta-boys' that I've gotten this past year. To me,a win isn't a win just because you took 1st. If you take 1st and there's little or NO competition to run against, there's not much to say "yay me" about. Now, I'm not saying I didn't work my butt off to get there, but I also didn't have the top guys or anyone really serious come play in my sandbox on a regular basis.
We have 10 events in the year, and you only need 6 of them to qualify your points. Out of those 10 events I did 7 and of those 7 I think I only 'won' three times. The other 5 events I had people co-driving my car or I ran alone. On those ones where I had a co-driver, I was beat in my own car each time.
It's hard for me to accept anything that I really didn't 'win'. People have been saying "It's not YOUR fault that no one ran in your class, so take the win and enjoy it". Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not like that.
So.. in a few months a new season will start and I WILL have someone to run against, as one of our really good drivers has bought himself a Z06 as well and we'll see just what I can do with that.
Back to the weekend. As I said, Kim will be in town. This is her 1st visit here since October and I'm hoping that it will end better than the last time. I got very spoiled earlier in the month since we got 1 whole week together, and then 4 days later had a weekend together. Now it's been 2 weeks and it feels like forever. Yeah, I know that's kinda sappy and all that, but it's true. I have NO problem admitting that. I miss her. I can tell that there's some strain on her end with the distance still being there, and I understand it. I wish I knew a quick and easy fix for it, but right now we're just trying to get thru each period and deal with things as they come up.
Staying the course is never easy. Standing firm to what you want and need even if it means that things get tough now and then is harder. Giving in to the quick and easy solutions aren't hard even if you know that you want more for yourself. We all get tempted by that, but it's the faith that we all have within to be there each day and stick it out is what proves our feelings, our committment and our love to someone. It would be easy to write things off and say "That's enough, I'll just find someone closer", someone that might be more convenient or easy, but it woudln't be the same. It wouldn't be "the one" I want and that grass isn't ever any greener it's just grass from a different yard.
Long distances suck. They test your inner strength, your will power and your faith in someone else. It takes ALOT of trust to love someone from 500 miles away. Trust that they are being true, trust that they mean what they say and that they aren't just using you. When you are with someone that shares your same area code, it's easy to keep those things in check. When you aren't.... it's all about trust.
I trust Kim with my life. My Heart. My Soul. Never before have I had that ability, or the opportunity to be that way with someone.
Life is uncertain ( I've said that before for those of you keeping track on the scorecards ) and maybe tomorrow something will happen that will change everything. Maybe 5 years from now, things will be the same. We just have no idea, and the more we try to control, sway, or bury our head in the sand about that fact, the worse off we all are. I don't know where 'we' will be a month from now, or a year, or 5 years. I CAN tell you where I want to be... and that should be pretty obvious by now.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Things don't always as planned, do they?
Well, it's been almost a month since I posted last. I had stated that I would give a best of 2009 or some sort of recap, but that has yet to happen. Many reasons came into play of the 'whys' and 'hows' of that came to be, but to be honest, By the end of the year my brain was kinda fried.
2009 was an incredible year for me and while it had it's ups and downs, it was overall one of the best, if not THE best year for me. Kim and I had our share of problems, just as any relationship does, and even in the darkest moments, I kept faith that things would work themselves out. Even if things hadn't gone the way I hoped, I knew that somehow it would be what was best. In the end, here we are in 2010 and we're still together.
We started 2009 on a high note, and it carried thru most of the year that way. We spent some great weekends together and shared many great life experiences together. We had problems and tests just like any relationship does and thru it all, we found a way to make things work. I trust her with my life and while I'm sure she'd say "Thanks, no pressure there..." ( in a playful way, of course ) she knows that when I say that I mean it, and that there IS no pressure from me. I don't expect anything more than she can give when she can give it. That's what works for us, and I'm happy for it.
My racing took all kinds of twists and turns. This was the 1st year with the Corvette, and it was a STEEP learning curve. I THINK I managed to make the most of it, and while there was alot accomplished, there's still tons to learn. I had a great co-driver to push me plus I had some great 'special' co-drivers thru the season to sit in and not only give me a critique of the car's setup, but also of my driving and places to work on. I made some GREAT new friends and contacts thru the year as well. I hope that those continue to grow with time and become even better.
I finally was able to trust and push the car, and while sometimes the outcome wasn't great, I don't regret a minute of it.
Moving on to 2010 there was already big changes afoot.
With the car, I found that there would be no permanent co-driver this year, and with the economy the way it is, I won't be doing as many events as I'd like, but the truth is, I think I need to spend some time away more this year. I have spent the past 4 years now basically living at the tracks all over and I want to see more of the world.
That started shortly after the new year started. I went on my 1st cruise ever with Kim and her son. It was incredible. The weather wasn't as nice as we'd hoped for, but for ME I was happy that I was away from work, with no cell phone, no emails, and no outside world. We got to see some beautiful scenery and experience what life is like ( on a tame scale ) outside of the comfy US. We truly DO take for granted just how good we have it here. Simple things that we never think of are a big deal other places.
I had a great time not only because of where I was, but more importantly WHO I was with. Kim is a pro at cruises and it wouldn't have been as fun without her at my side. Most things in my life are that way... sure they are fun, but without her there to share it with me, it's just not the same.
Kim and I have a bit of an agreement... that I will try new foods as much as possible. I TRY to try 1 new thing when I visit her, but that doesn't always happen. I DID eat something that I never had before over the weekend. I had tried some that she had made a while back, and when we were out for a banquet for her Corvette club, I ate some more. It's baby steps, and while it's nothing earth-shattering of what I ate, it was a big deal to me.
2010 is all about me stepping outside of my comfort zone more. Life is too short.
I'm working on other aspects of me... like some of my insecurities about myself and life, and those will take some more time. Like most of us, I have my own issues that I need to work on. My mind plays games with me and makes things seem different than they really are. Most of that is due to some past life experiences and being hurt or 'taken for a ride' by less than honest people. It's hard to break those feelings. It only takes one bad thing to ruin you and 100 good ones to negate that one thing.
So much of what we allow to get under our skin and fester for no reason can easy be dissolved if we keep our minds and hearts clear and NOT read too much into things. Like just about anything else, if we're willing to TALK about something, 99% of the fears, concerns, problems, etc... can be worked out and made to make more sense. Doesn't always work, but it is better than letting that nagging thing in the back of your mind build into something so big and nasty, that one day you just can't 'deal with it' any longer and you let it come between the things you want in life.
It's not fair to yourself, or anyone else that you're around.
If anything has been learned in the 1st month of 2010, is that life is uncertain and anything can happen. Don't take it for granted and lay back thinking that things will take care of themselves.
So, moving on to the rest of 2010... may you all have great fortunes and don't squander the gift we all have... life. So far, it appears this is the only one we get, so make it count.
2009 was an incredible year for me and while it had it's ups and downs, it was overall one of the best, if not THE best year for me. Kim and I had our share of problems, just as any relationship does, and even in the darkest moments, I kept faith that things would work themselves out. Even if things hadn't gone the way I hoped, I knew that somehow it would be what was best. In the end, here we are in 2010 and we're still together.
We started 2009 on a high note, and it carried thru most of the year that way. We spent some great weekends together and shared many great life experiences together. We had problems and tests just like any relationship does and thru it all, we found a way to make things work. I trust her with my life and while I'm sure she'd say "Thanks, no pressure there..." ( in a playful way, of course ) she knows that when I say that I mean it, and that there IS no pressure from me. I don't expect anything more than she can give when she can give it. That's what works for us, and I'm happy for it.
My racing took all kinds of twists and turns. This was the 1st year with the Corvette, and it was a STEEP learning curve. I THINK I managed to make the most of it, and while there was alot accomplished, there's still tons to learn. I had a great co-driver to push me plus I had some great 'special' co-drivers thru the season to sit in and not only give me a critique of the car's setup, but also of my driving and places to work on. I made some GREAT new friends and contacts thru the year as well. I hope that those continue to grow with time and become even better.
I finally was able to trust and push the car, and while sometimes the outcome wasn't great, I don't regret a minute of it.
Moving on to 2010 there was already big changes afoot.
With the car, I found that there would be no permanent co-driver this year, and with the economy the way it is, I won't be doing as many events as I'd like, but the truth is, I think I need to spend some time away more this year. I have spent the past 4 years now basically living at the tracks all over and I want to see more of the world.
That started shortly after the new year started. I went on my 1st cruise ever with Kim and her son. It was incredible. The weather wasn't as nice as we'd hoped for, but for ME I was happy that I was away from work, with no cell phone, no emails, and no outside world. We got to see some beautiful scenery and experience what life is like ( on a tame scale ) outside of the comfy US. We truly DO take for granted just how good we have it here. Simple things that we never think of are a big deal other places.
I had a great time not only because of where I was, but more importantly WHO I was with. Kim is a pro at cruises and it wouldn't have been as fun without her at my side. Most things in my life are that way... sure they are fun, but without her there to share it with me, it's just not the same.
Kim and I have a bit of an agreement... that I will try new foods as much as possible. I TRY to try 1 new thing when I visit her, but that doesn't always happen. I DID eat something that I never had before over the weekend. I had tried some that she had made a while back, and when we were out for a banquet for her Corvette club, I ate some more. It's baby steps, and while it's nothing earth-shattering of what I ate, it was a big deal to me.
2010 is all about me stepping outside of my comfort zone more. Life is too short.
I'm working on other aspects of me... like some of my insecurities about myself and life, and those will take some more time. Like most of us, I have my own issues that I need to work on. My mind plays games with me and makes things seem different than they really are. Most of that is due to some past life experiences and being hurt or 'taken for a ride' by less than honest people. It's hard to break those feelings. It only takes one bad thing to ruin you and 100 good ones to negate that one thing.
So much of what we allow to get under our skin and fester for no reason can easy be dissolved if we keep our minds and hearts clear and NOT read too much into things. Like just about anything else, if we're willing to TALK about something, 99% of the fears, concerns, problems, etc... can be worked out and made to make more sense. Doesn't always work, but it is better than letting that nagging thing in the back of your mind build into something so big and nasty, that one day you just can't 'deal with it' any longer and you let it come between the things you want in life.
It's not fair to yourself, or anyone else that you're around.
If anything has been learned in the 1st month of 2010, is that life is uncertain and anything can happen. Don't take it for granted and lay back thinking that things will take care of themselves.
So, moving on to the rest of 2010... may you all have great fortunes and don't squander the gift we all have... life. So far, it appears this is the only one we get, so make it count.
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